4-2-12

Sup Fam Scam,
Wazzup in the hood, keepin' it fresh double bones dank up in the 1-2-1-2.  Sheshin' the quiet gnar like it's the early to mid nineties.  

So yeah, this week has been pretty cool and stuff.  We didn't end up going to the ancient mounds last week--maybe someday.  We pretty much just played volleyball all day.  I'm getting a little better.  Before I came here I thought I was pretty good at volleyball, but then I realized that I'm the suckiest at it.  That's pretty much all Samoans do is play volleyball, so they're all way good.  So hopefully I'll dominate at it by the time I come home. So yeah, mostly this week we've just been makin' lots of visits and teaching lessons and stuff.  We had an investigator get baptized on Saturday.  His name is Tasiiva.  He's cool.  His girlfriend is a member and they want to get married but she said she won't marry a nonmember, so he decided he wanted to get baptized.  Haha.  He's dope though--super humble.  He was real receptive to all the lessons and stuff--just a good guy.  I think he's probably in his mid-twenties or so.  He asked me to perform his baptism, so that was cool.

Oh yeah, haha, so before we did the baptism something really sucky happened.  So the day before the baptism--on Friday-- we asked the ward mission leader if he would go fill up the font a couple of hours early cause we had some visits to make and stuff before the baptism.  So I didn't really think about it--that's usually what we do anyway.  So then we're in this visit with this super old dude that was just talking forever and it's like ten minutes before the baptism is supposed to start.  So finally at 5 minutes past 7:00, we finally get out.  And the baptisms is supposed to begin at 7 pm.  So we hurry over there and right as soon as we show up there's like nobody there.  There's just these three old dudes sitting there talking.  So we're kinda worried that nobody is gonna show up cause that ward's not super strong.  So then I change into my white clothes and my companion goes to check the font.  And wile I'm changing, I hear my comp calling me like "Johansen!  Johansen!  Get over here!!"  So I go and see what the problem is, and freak, man, it was the nastiest thing.  Not only was the baptismal font entirely empty, but there was this gnarly, super bloody, dead dog in the bottom of the font.  Like it was fresh--it stunk so bad.  Cause most of the baptismal fonts in Samoa are outside in this little gazebo thing.  So pretty much anyone could have come and messed with it.  So me and my companion had to get it out--it was the worst.  It was a big dog too.  So he had the front legs and I had the back legs, and we were taking it to chuck over the fence on the other side of the chapel grounds, but it was super rainy and the grass was all wet and I slipped and fell.  And the dead dog's back half got dropped on the whole left side of my body.  So my clean white shirt and my nice pressed white pants had mud and hair and dog blood all over them.  So then we got rid of the dog, and we cleaned out the font as much as we could, but we couldn't really.  Andy by this time more people were showing up.  So we just filled up the font anyway.  And I tried to clean off my clothes as much as possible, but you could still see the dog blood all over my pants and the back of my shirt.  So despite everything, we ended up doing the baptism and it went really well.  The water in the font was all grody though.  I felt bad to dunk Tasiiva--hopefully he doesn't get any diseases or anything.  When he came up out of the water, there were chunks of dog fur all over his face.  I just didn't say anything--I was kinda embarrassed.  But yeah, it was good though.  And then on Sunday he was confirmed--that was cool.  It was fast Sunday too, so he got up and bore his testimony--it was really good.

So yeah, that was dopefest.  Also this week, me and my comp got to watch these dudes butcher a cow--it was really cool.  I got it on film for your enjoyment, so when you send me back my SD card, I'll hook you up.  It's raw footage, real carnage.  I know mom's into that kind of stuff.  

Oh yeah, a kid from our zone, Elder Bailey, went home this week.  He was in my same MTC group.  They said he was sick, but I saw him in Apia like a week and a half ago and he was just fine.  He had kind of a hard time with a lot of stuff, so I dunno.  He's a good kid though--he'll do good with whatever.  But yeah, Bailey's gone.  And his comp is on a split in Upolu, so our zone is now reduced to four people.  It's just me, my comp, and the ZL's.  This week we've had to do a split and go into Bailey's area and teach lessons and stuff.  It's good though.  We still cover almost a third of the island--just the four of us.  But we're workin' hard--it's dope gnar fest to the days.

So yeah, it's the dopest out here--I'm stoked.  The work is going really well--it's good.  I'm stoked on the letters Mom sends me from the boys--they're funny.  It seems like each week Austin and Kevin say the same stuff.  Austin asks for cookies and Kevin talks about Seinfeld.  Haha, good kids.  It makes me wonder what my "signature theme" is in my letters.  Keep shreddin' the easy gnar bones.

So yeah, nah--I don't really need anything.  Well actually when you get the chance, send me more aspirin and Ibuprofen and stuff.  Haha, yeah.  It goes quick.  Almost every day this week so far we've had people ask for pills.  It's like we're running a pharmacy, lol.  Nah, but I really don't mind--these people really need it.  They'll come to me with these gnarly injuries and ask for pills, but I don't really even use them anyway.  I drink tons of water, so I don't get headaches.  I feel bad cause a lot of people can't really afford to go to the doctor or anything, so they just deal with it.  So yeah, send me some pills and stuff.  But other than that, I really don't need anything.  

That day in March when you thought I was in Apia, I was just in Salelologa--they have an ATM there.  It's on the other side of Savaii.  I had to pull some cash out to buy a bowl for this family in our ward.  They brought dinner over, but I accidentally broke this really nice bowl that they had.  So yeah, we ended up buying them some cups and Tupperware instead.  

But yeah, it's dope.  Also that speaker broke.  I don't really know what the deal with it is.  But whatever.

Things are going good.  I'm still with my same companion, Elder Nansen.  Things are good.  My Australian accent is almost perfect, like no joke.  I called an elder in Upolu who's from Australia using my Australian accent and he thought it was legit.  He was all like, "Oh mate, I didn't know we had this many Aussies in the mission, brotha."  And I was like, "Yeah, it's mean as, mate.  To the days brotha."  Australians have a lot of funny slang terms that they use that I'm pickin' up quick.  So that's cool.  I had to ask my companion the question that has been weighing on my mind for the last few months--"Is the fence really rabbit proof?"  I know those Australian rabbits love to get past fences by any means they can.  It just seems too good to be true.  To the days mate, it's mean as.  

So yeah, dog faces--it's the dope dank out here.  We have another investigator that will probably be baptized soon.  Her name is Ruta.  She just has to get married first and she'll be sweet.  We were going to do the marriage last week but the stake prez was busy.  So once she gets married, she'll be sweet to get baptized.  So the work is going good.  

Transfers is tomorrow, I think.  So we'll see what happens.  I'll probably stay, hopefully.  But who knows.

Oh yeah, April Fools!  Hahaha!  You guys are the dumbest!!! Yeah, the dog story was pranks.  Everything else was true, but ain't no dogs bein pranks for me.  Haha, eat that.  Nah, it was just a normal baptism on Saturday.  It went smoothly and lovely.  It was actually really good.  I'm sorry, it wasn't that great of a goof and a spoof.  I didn't really have time to think of something good.  I didn't actually remember that it was April Fool's until halfway through the day, which is a shame cause AP Foolz is like my favorite holiday.  I guess I'll have a whole year to think of something good.  I pranked the gnar on my boys from my MTC group though.  I texted each of them saying that I'm getting sent home cause I was kissin' girls.  PRANKS!!  Elder Hansen, the kid that Katie made the chumpie shirt for, was like having a heart attack.  He called me like six times--he was all worried.  Haha.  And then they were all mad when I told them that it was just an awesome prank.  But yeah, I wish I had planned in advance--I could have done something cool.  It reminds me of the time I told Kevin that Michael's mom ran over Zeek.  And then I told Michael that Kevin's mom ran over Zeek.   Haha, man I'm funny.  Nah, but yeah.  It's all good here.  You know the Prankster Prince is alive no matter where he goes.  

So yeah, peeps, today for you Americans is the Sunday sesh of General Conference.  But it's Monday for us here in Sammerson.  We were gonna get up way early and watch the live broadcast this morning, but we would have had to get up at like 4:30 cause it's 10:00 am for you guys, 5:00 am for us.  At least I'm pretty sure.  But yeah, we didn't go.  I'd rather be awake for it so I can actually learn something.  So we'll do that next week--it should be good.  I'm stoked deftoats all the way.  Anyways, this letter is way too long.

Keep it steezy bones.

Love,
Grimy Grublips

3-24-12

Sup Dog Lipses,
Yoyoyoyo--it's me here, the fresh prince of Samoa.  Just seshin the fresh sesh, 1-2, 1-2.  Things have been gettin double dank up in here this week in Samzone.  All is fresh to the brothers here, no doubts no dogs.  Peacin' on the smork zone, flaggin down all those who be naggin my gnar.  Shreddin the dunkbunk ain't easy, but it's possee fresh once you get it double beans good.

This week was way sweet though.  We had a stake temple trip from Monday to Wednesday.  So me and my companion got to go stay in Apia for a few days, which is sweet too cause all the food at the office is the bomb.  We raided the heck out of that fridge.  So, Monday morning we left Faiaai to make the boat and then when we got to Upolu, we had to take a taxi over to Pesega.  It was cool though.  Then we went to the temple and did a sesh--it was sweet.  So then the next day was super awesome.  We were pretty much in the temple from the early morning all the way until the evening, except for a few hours in the afternoon where we went back to the office and showered and stuff.  It was so awesome though.  We've been working for this trip for a really long time.  We had some member families that we've been working with be sealed, and that morning a lady that we've been working with for a long time received her endowments.  That was so awesome--I was stoked. 

And then later on we had temple baptisms.  Man, that was the awesomest.  Fonoea and Fansegia, who were just baptized on Saturday both came on the trip as well as Silia, the girl we baptized back in January.  Silia's mom couldn't come though cause she had to watch the kids--that's Mata, who was baptized on Saturday as well.  Man it was awesome though--it was real awesome.  Their family is so excited about the temple--they really can't wait to get sealed for eternity.  Even before we had started teaching lessons, they were eager.  We had just gone to visit them to see how they were doing and the grandma Fonoea goes, "We want to get sealed in the temple.  What do we have to do?"  And we're kinda like, "Well, you have to get baptized first. So they're like, "Well, when can we get baptized?"  So then like a week later they were baptized.  And three days after that they came to the temple to perform baptisms for the dead for their family on the other side.  They collected all the names on their own, got everything prepared on their own, and did everything they could to make it on the trip.  I didn't even know that they were going to be there.  I was really surprised.  

You can really see the Lord's hand in these people's lives.  He's been preparing them for years to receive the gospel, and now they're reaping the blessings.  It truly is amazing.  I can't wait in a year's time to hear about those guys getting sealed in the temple or even to get to be there would be so cool.  After we did baptisms for the dead, we were talking to Silia and she said that she's now preparing to serve a mission.  Freak, that's crazy to me.  I was so stoked when I heard that.  It makes me happy.  Most Samoans actually get called to Samoa, so chances are she'll probably serve here.  That would be way sweet--I would be real stoked.  Silia's pretty much the reason the rest of the family was baptized.  She's real strong.  She would do scripture study and family home evening with her little cousins and her mom and her grandma would get mad at her.  But then she finally convinced them to come to church and when they did, they felt the Spirit real strong and started to understand why it was so important to Silia.  But yeah, their family is real tight--I'm way stoked for them.  They're real strong, like even a lot stronger than families in the ward here that have been going for years.

The work is moving forward here--it's going really well.  We have another investigator who's gonna be baptized soon.  She just has to get married first.  I think they're gonna do that on Monday, I'm not sure.  But she's getting married this week, so then we should be good.  Oh yeah, also this week we had most of our p-day on Saturday, which is today, cause on Monday we spent most of the day traveling to Apia.  We didn't get the chance to clean our house or write letters or anything.  So yeah, that's cool.  And Monday I'm hoping we finally get to hit up those ancient mounds.  That should be really sick.  One of the zone leaders is really keen on the idea, but the other, a  Samoan dude from Savaii, isn't really that stoked.  Haha, I guess he doesn't really find them interesting.  That's kinda how Samoans are.  I feel bad for the guy though--we drive  through his hometown about once every two weeks.  Or at least every time we go to Salelolega, which is where the boat wharf is at.  So kind of all the time.  That would be hard though.  It's like living in Payson and serving in Orem.  I feel bad for these Samoan dudes--they've got it tough.  Our ZL's dope though.  I like him.  They're both real good guys.  We've got a pretty dope zone.  We only have like six guys left.  I think we have the smallest zone in the mission.  But we're doing just as good or better than the zones that have twelve or more guys in them--cause we're all super tight.  If a companionship needs anything, we all help out.  when Tafiti and Bailey needed help in their area, my comp and I went in for a week and helped those dudes out.  We actually did a ton of work--those guys ended up getting like six baptisms real quick.  So it's dope.  I'm stoked on our zone.  Tafitia and Bailey might get moved out though cause Bailey's real sick.  If so, then it would only be me and my companion and the zone leaders.  Haha, that would be crazy.  It's a lot of area to cover.  That's like a third of the island for two companionships.  But it's dope danks to the end.

So yeah, I got your packages momma.  I was freakin' stoked as always.  I don't remember if I thanked you for the St. Patty's day one or not, but I was really stoked on that one too.  Well, kind of haha--after the zone and the kids next door had a go at the thing, there was only the ties and the sunflower seeds left.  Haha, but that's why I like getting packages--it's good to share.  I'm not gonna lie though--I stashed away a bunch of the candy from the most recent package in my closet so the kids next door don't eat it all.  No worries though--I gave them all the gross chocolates and the peeps--they loved it just the same.  Thanks a ton for real for the package.  I was double dank stoked on it.  Oh yeah, I wasn't able to listen to that tape thing.  I left the recorder with a bunch of other stuff in Apia in the storage at the office.  So, I'll have to grab that next time I go to Apia.  Oh yeah, by now I'm pretty sure the Webers probably came by with that stuff for you guys.  I hope you thanked them a ton.  I actually didn't get the chance to even ask them if they would take it.  I had planned to give it to them, and then when we went to Apia for the temple, they were leaving to the airport like five minutes after we got there, so I just had to give that stuff to the APs to give to them.  I hope they didn't have trouble going through the airport.  There was actually a dead lizard in Johnny's bag.  Do the airport scanners pick up dead lizards?  I hope not cause it was cool.  So maybe if they got arrested, that's probably why.  America doesn't like you bringing dead animals into the country--I know from experience.  That's why I have to get unknowing senior missionary couples to smuggle it in for me.  So yeah, make sure you thank them--they're tight.  Real nice people.

Alright--question time:
Q: Do kids go to school?
A:  Mostly.  Some don't, but most kids do at least to an extent.  When I was helping Tafiti and Bailey in their area, me and Tafiti went and taught this girl that didn't know how to read.  She couldn't even write her own name.  Haha, but at the time I didn't really know that, and I told her that the only way she could know that the Book of Mormon was true was to read it.  I'm pretty sure she ended up getting baptized though.  I guess she just looked at the pictures or something, I don't really know.  But yeah, a lot of kids go to school, but the schools aren't that great.  Some of the teachers don't really know much.  But it's cool.
Q:  Are the schools like ours here in the US?
A:  Nah, they're different.  There's way more Samoan kids than in the US.  Nah, but I actually don't really know--I've never been to school in Samoa.  Mostly we just do missionary work.
Q:  What do they do with their garbage?
A:  Most of the food and stuff comes from the plantation, so pretty much all the waste is plants and old food and stuff like banana leaves.  They just chuck it random places and the dogs and the pigs eat it.  But some houses do have these wooden stands that people put trash on, but I've never really seen anyone come by and take it.  But I'm not really gonna worry about it.  Again, I'm a missionary, not a garbage man.  Waste disposal is not the Lord's work--I can't stress about garbage too much or it will distract from the work.  I've heard of missionaries getting sent home for stuff like that.
Q:  Do they have some kind of garbage pick up service or just chuck it in the jungle or what?
A:  Well that's kind of a redundant question.  Just why are you so concerned with garbage all of a sudden?  Or as my companion would say, "What's all this rubbish???"
Q:  Have you encountered any dog-lipped fiends with malice in their eyes and murder in their hearts?
A:  Now you're starting to make some sense.  A very good question actually--I'm glad you asked.  We have, in fact, encountered someone of that very description.  However he had not set his eyes on the prize and lost the will to spill.  An excellent question, however.  I'm very glad you asked.  It really shows that you're actually interested in me and what I'm doing out here.

So yeah, it's dope bones  out here.  A stokeage fest at a 14.c rating, and the gnar is being shred at a more rapid rate.

You know I gotta please the fans,
Elder Jordan Ratmouth

3-19-12

Sup Squirrel Faces,
It's Slapmaster Ice here, tearin' out the gnar with my backwards cap and my blades, getting down with the sickness on the quarter pipe, gonna hit the arcade later, you know it.

So yeah, this week was real good.  We didn't end up going to the ancient pyramids cause I guess the ZL's were busy.  And we would be going today, but our stake has a temple trip this week, so we're going to Apia at 4:00 today.  That should be way sweet--I'm stoked.  We had a few people that we've been working with doing temple baptisms and some people being sealed.  So it should be way sick--I'm stoked as ever.  But yeah, we'll probably hit up those pyramid things next week.  That should be the dopest dank.

So this week we've just been finishing the lessons for Fonoea (Silia's grandma), Mata (Silia's mom) and Fasegia (Evelige's mom) for baptism, which was on Saturday.  It was awesome though.  This family has really been prepared by the Lord to receive the gospel.  My companion and I have now had the opportunity to baptize three generations in this family--it's just crazy awesome.  The baptisms went really well.  Fonoea was baptized first.  Her nephew, Price, did the baptism.  And then right after, my companion baptized Mata, and then I got to baptize Fasegia after that.  It was way good--the Spirit was real strong.  After the baptisms, the three got up and bore their testimonies--it was awesome.  The whole thing was just amazing--I was stoked.  It's been such a huge blessing for me to help this family over the last few months.  That's what makes me happy.  Experiences like this make all the sucky stuff worth it--like getting gnarly diarrhea or not having water in our house for two weeks.  Ha ha, but yeah, I was way stoked.  Saturday was a real good day.

But yeah, other than that, not much has been goin' on for this week.  I'm still with my same companion in Faiaai.  All is well.  The work is good.  Everything is well.  I'm lovin' it here.  Samoa is the dopest.  Everything is the awesomest.

Drench it in the dank and soak it in the bros, man.

Love,
Elder Johansen 

3-11-12

Wazzup in the hood,
Yeah, it's me here, your boy EJ Detwiler, the kickball king.  Not much goin' on, just shreddin' the gnar as always.  This week was the dopest danks.  We had a baptism on Saturday--it was legit.  I'm pretty sure I've already told you about her--the girl's name is Auvusa--she's like fourteen.  She's Talulelei's older sister and Evelige and Silia's cousin.  Anyways, the baptism went really well.  I got to do it--it was sweet.  We had to go like two hours early and clean out the font cause there were all these dead cockroaches in there.  But yeah, it was good.  And we started teaching her grandma and her two aunts this week.  They're the ones that got up in testimony meeting and bore their testimonies before we'd even started teaching them lessons.  Their family is ready, it's awesome.  They wanted to know how they could go to the temple, but we told them they have to be baptized first.  They're real eager and super stoked on the church.  So we're planning the baptisms for the grandma and the aunts this Saturday, so that should be good.  I'm stoked for them.  They have a way good family.

But yeah, not much really going on this week.  We've just been getting Auvasa ready for her baptism and then teaching lessons and stuff.

Later today, I think, we're gonna go explore these ancient pyramids.  They're on this dude's land that we met like two weeks ago.  He's like the counselor in the bishopric in another area in our zone.  So he said he was gonna hook up up, cause they usually don't let people go explore them.  I guess these German scientist dudes came over and wanted to come check them out, but the guy wouldn't let them unless they paid $500 bucks.  So I guess I'll let you know how it goes.  It should be real dope.  Lately we've been doin' lots of cool stuff on p-days.  It's been sweet.

So yeah, things are double bones good.  I'm still with my same companion, Elder Nansen.  He's dope too.  The more I talk to him, the more I'm surprised about him--cause right before his mission he got offered $500,000 dollars to play rugby for only two weeks for a team in Australia.  But he turned it down cause he didn't want to get hurt right before his mission.  But I was like, freak, man--the dude turned down half a million bucks and he would have only had to play for two weeks.  The dude's a stud man.  I told him he's gonna have to fly me out to Australia and pamper me, the royal treatment cause he'll be a rich and famous rugby player--in fact he kind of already is.  So yeah, I'm gonna milk him for all he's got--he owes me for being such an awesome companion to him.

Oh yeah, so you asked who paid for my medical treatment when I had tonsillitis.  So, I guess the mission pays for everything while I'm here, so I'm set.  It's only if I get really sick or something or if I get surgery that takes a long recovery, then they have to send you home for awhile and your family pays for the medical treatment.  But that's never gonna happen, so it's all good.

So yeah, I also left some missionary scriptures for papa to use.  I just wrote down a bunch of them.  He can just pick a couple that he likes.  Oh yeah, I've also got a doctrinal question for you father--Alright, so the other day I was studying in Faith Precedes the Miracle by Spencer W. Kimball, and it says that everything is matter.  It's just that you need more pure, spiritual eyes to see all the spiritual matter.  So I was kinda pondering about that it kinda led me to think about our limbless brethren.  So here's my question:  Do people with missing arms and legs have their "spiritual limbs" still intact?  Is this what gives us the phenomenon that scientists have been baffled by throughout the ages--the phantom limb?  I truly believe those spiritual limbs are reaching, kicking, grasping, just waiting for the day they can be reunited with their physical counterpart.  No hook or prosthetic mockery can replace the true nature of the limb.  And the truth of the doctrine is that we will not be able to take our favorite prosthetic leg into the afterlife, no matter how much we may want to.  Limbs are ordained for mans use.  We shouldn't be jealous of those who use the arms and legs of man's thinking.   It says in Exodus 20:17, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's hook, nor anything that is thy neighbors."  Anyways, I could ramble on about this for hours.

Keep shreddin' the gnar,

Elder Johansen