3-17-13

March 17, 2013 --St. Patrick's Day?

Sup Dudes,

To answer a finity of questions from you I will begin that life is treating me good.  Yes, I still do have a car in my new area.  I accidentally ripped off the little mirror on the back window when it caught on the volleyball net in front of our house.  But I've got secret hookups to get it replaced for me.  :)  

The ward is good.  It's small, but strong.  The members are helpful to the missionaries, so it's good.  

And also, I don't get boils.  Other missionaries do, but only the sissies.  Don't send me any cream or anything--it's unnecessary.  And the only thing I really need are those watermelon seeds if you can get them here asap--that would be so great.  

This week was the sickest!  We had a ton of success this week.  I was stoked to the bones.  We have two baptisms set up this week--Sione and Ainoauna.  Sione is 14 and Ainoauna is 11.  Their mom is the Tongan lady, Uila, that we've been helping to come back to church.  She was inactive for seven years, but now has been going for the past month straight.  Her husband is in American Samoa right now and maybe for another month or two.  He's not a member but goes to church every week over there in American Samoa.  We're hoping to work with him when he comes back.

We also have baptismal dates for this other family we've been working with.  The mom, To'e, and five kids have gone to church for the past two weeks straight and are set to be baptized on the first week of April.  However, the dad, Faafiti, hasn't been to church yet.  He wants to go, but because he goes fishing all night on Saturday night and then is too tired to go to church on Sunday.  (Samoans fish at night and swim around in the water with a bright light and a spear to get the fish.)  So we're working with him and really hope that they will all be able to be baptized together.  We may have to postpone To'e and the kids' baptisms if Faafiti isn't ready.  We'll see.

Also this week we visited a man who we had never met before, but when we showed up at the house, he said that he had been reading the "Mormon Bible" right before we showed up and really like it and wanted to know more about it.   Cause this dude (Tino) is a worker for this other guy (Taua) that we've been visiting a little bit.  But Taua has been in Apia and so Tino has been watching his house.  He said he was just sitting there and then he just decided to pick up the book he saw on the table and read it.  So I was stoked.  We invited him to read it and pray to know it's true.  We'll go back this week and see what happens.  It was crazy too cause when we were on the way to the house, we got a call from this guy in the branch saying that we had to go to his house to pick up our dinner and that he was waiting for us.  But we just went to our visit anyway and were able to find Tino.  And then we went to pick up our meal and the guy was all mad cause we were like an hour late.  But then we just spanked his funny bone and told him to keep it real.  

Also, thank you for the St. Patrick's box!!!  I laughed cause you sent me a polo shirt.  "Polo" in Samoan is like a bad word. (Note--I looked it up and Eric's not kidding about this!) So I will wear it with pride.  Haha, no jk.  

Also this week the Relief Society had a dance and made the men dress up like women and dance.  Haha, it made me think of the scripture in Deuteronomy 22:5.  I don't know where they come up with these strange ideas for activities.

And this week we ate a meal with a blind man who sings on the street in Apia for a living.  He's a member, but less active.  I think I got paranoid that we was just tricking me to see if I would slip up and then he would reveal his true colors.  So I made sure to stay on my toes just in case he was one of those phoneys.  

Also, I was teaching my companion about all the wishes.  Samoans are crazy superstitious, so my comp was extra stoked when I told him about all the possible wish opportunities--like at 11:11, or on a shooting star, or a wishing well, or a loose eyelash--I explained them all.  And then I had to laugh when he was all excited and telling me how he made the best wish yesterday.  Cause at the church they were having a birthday party for this girl and we were sitting outside our house and could see them all lighting the candles on the cake.  My comp said that he waited just before she blew out the candles and he made his wish.  And then I had to tell him that you can't make wishes on other people's birthday cake--just your own.  Haha, he was pretty bummed.  It made me laugh.  My comp's the man.  We've almost been companions for 5 months now.  He finishes in like 3 weeks, it's nuts.  I'm gonna spank him out strong though--none of that "trunky" stuff.  

Anyways, that's all I got.

Alofa Atu,

Elder Johansen

3-11-13

WTG (Way to go) My Good Neighbors!

So I'll get right into it.  This week was actually super good.  We made a lot of progress in the area.  Monday was a bummer as always--we were stuck at the office and in Apia for our whole p-day doing ZL stuff and shopping for the zone.  We didn't get back to our area until after 6:00 in the evening and then we ate dinner and had two family home evenings.  The FHEs were way good though.  We had one with an inactive guy and invited him to church on Sunday and he came!  So sweet bones.  I would pull the ol Garfield "I hate Mondays!", but it's all good actually.  Someday, my friends, someday.  

On Wednesday we had our Zone Leaders Council.  It was okay, but afterwards we got hamburgers with real slices of goat belly cheese.  I was so stoked.  I haven't had cheese since the MTC.  So that was pretty exciting.  Also this week I went on a split with this Maori elder from New Zealand for a few days.  We usually try to do splits with the zone every once in a while.  It's pretty good, I guess.  

We got two new investigators this week--Sione and Ainoama.  They're both young.  Sione is 14 and Ainoama is 11.  They're the kids of this lady, Uila, who we have been working with and who has just come back to church.  Uila is Tongan and her husband is Samoan.  They both came to church and are set for their baptism on March 23rd.  Me and my comp have a goal of 4 baptisms this month, so we'll see if it goes down.  

Also this week we contacted this guy named Tulesa.  Tulesa grew up in California, but he's been in Samoa for like 8 years and looks and sounds like a legit Samoan even though he didn't speak it before he moved here.  He's freakin' tight though.  He was a thug back in the days and was in prison for like 9 years.  He's got tattoos all up his arms and gives people tattoos for money.  Anyways, he's not a member and his wife is inactive.  They have a couple of small kids as well.  But we had a way spiritual lesson with him, so we're hoping he reads the the Book of Mormon and prays.

Also this week we had to take this little member kid to the hospital cause he cut up his hand gnar bones.  I guess he cut it with a machete.  We went to visit their family and the little kid was just laying on the floor, obviously in a lot of pain.  So we looked at his hand and it was cut from the back of the hand all the way to the middle of the palm in between the thumb and the forefingers.  So we hurried and drove him to the hospital in Lafilufi.  As we were waiting outside, we could hear him screaming like crazy land as they stitched his hand--cause I'm not sure if they used antiseptic (I think he meant to say anesthesia) or not.  Little Samoan hospitals are sketchy to the days.  But it was pretty sad.  I felt bad for him.  It reminded me of that Joseph Smith movie where he gets the surgery without any antiseptic (anesthesia?) and it's all gnarly.  But long story short, he was okay and it was all good.  Haha--it seems like lately we've just been firefighters and ambulance drivers all day.  It's a noble work.  

We're hoping to get some tin roofing stuff and boards and stuff for that family whose house burned down.  The man's name is Taua.  They've been in Apia all week, but we talked to him one day when he came back to work in their plantation.  We haven't started lessons or anything yet, but hopefully this week.  We're going to wait until the stake president visits cause he said he was going to.

Also this week I had a really interesting experience.  So I found an extra bottle of contact lens solution under the sink in our house that had been there when we got transferred into the area.  I felt myself pretty lucky for such a great find and decided to use it that night.  Then when I woke up in the morning and put my contact in my right eye, I received an instant feeling of fire and burning and pain.  So I immediately took out the contact lens and tried to flush out my eyes with water, but it kept burning like crazy bad.  And then I got even more freaked out cause my right eye got all extra blurry and foggy even when I put on my glasses.  I had assumed that the bottle of solution was like old or something.  But when I actually opened it up and poured out the liquid, I realized I had been duped!  It wasn't actually contact solution I had used to soak my contacts in, but actually just plain old bleach!  Haha--it kind of reminded me of the time I went with my friends to Lake Powell and put ear drying drops in my eye instead of eye drops.  Haha, that burned too.  But I called the mission nurse who called an opthamologist in Salt Lake who said my eye would be cool.  I just had to wash it out real good and not wear my contacts for a week or so.  

And then on Saturday night at 9:30 the branch president asked us if we would speak the next morning in church.  So we got up early and tried to prepare our talks before church started.  So anyways, I started my talk by explaining the story of how I put Clorox in my eye and then related it to the scripture in D&C 88:69 about having an eye single to the glory of God to be filled with his light.  I explained that if we put Clorox (sins) into our eyes, they become blurry and it makes it hard to be single to the glory of God.  But if we use the solution (repentance), we can be cleansed entirely and again be single to God's glory.  And then I talked about how if we do this, we will be filled with light, and explained a bunch of good scriptures about gaining light.  I thought it went pretty good.  The only problem was that I was wearing my glasses and since they're an old prescription, everything was still blurry and I couldn't see the clock on the wall.  My comp gave the first talk which was like ten minutes and then I accidentally spoke for the rest of the time and the branch president didn't get a chance to speak.  I think he was trying to get my attention cause everyone was laughing, but I didn't notice cause  I couldn't see anything.  Haha, I just sort of laughed with them, not knowing what was going on.  And then he kicked me in the back of the leg and I realized the time was over.  So then the branch president stood up and said that he's not going to let us speak in church anymore.  Haha, but he was just joking--it was all good.  I guess it's better than going under time like the first talk I gave back in Aleisa.  It was actually only the second one I've given since I've been in Samoa.   (My companion is chonking really loud right now on a pig's foot from the soup we got earlier.  It's really loud, but I'll forgive him cause I love him.)

Anyways, this week was cool for sure.  Not much else is going on.  The work is excellent though.  I'm loving it in this area.

Keep your eyes in your pocket and your nose on the ground.  "I'm betting with Elder Johansen--he's got clean trousers.  He's got the cleanest trousers around."  

--Samaufaatasi Elisapetataitasipolo, King of Samoa.

Love,

The Fresh Prince of Samoa

3-3-13

Yoyoyoyoyoyo brothurs!!

This week has been like a slick 90's surf sesh.  My bones have been soaking in the sweet Samoan sunlight.  

First of all, replace my pants and a belt from Missionary Mall.  My belt is hagrid to the days and it's not even keeper of keys.  Just tell them it got thrashed.  Also, I don't know where all my pants went.  The guys who come to cut the grass steal my clothes if I have them hanging on the line.  Last week I saw one of the dudes wearing my high school soccer jersey.  Haha, good kids.  Nah, but I have one pair of pants that got a big rip in it.  I tried to patch it, but it's like all "stylishly ripped" just like the hollister pants.  It's a Robbins & Brooks charcoal grey, size 36x34.  But you can just send me some slacks that can zip off into shorts just in case it gets too hot.  Make them cargo as well, with the big velcro pockets on the side.  I could probably fit a whole bag of sunflower seeds into one of those.  

Also please send me some watermelon seeds if you can get your hands on any. The fertile Samoan soil would be for sure to pop out a few of those melons with a little effort.  Cause they grow tons of pumpkins here, but I've never seen a watermelon.  And since the storm hit, we haven't had any fruit cause it all got knocked off the trees.  Oh yeah, and those Samoan CTR rings if you can get them--that would be sweet.  (Also Old Spice Deodorant. 2% milk and Swiss cheese and that good turkey.)

This week we've been hangin' on a hookin' wire, hookin' wire, hookin' wire.  If Samoans had stairs in their homes, I would definitely laugh breathily as I ran up and down them.  And if it weren't for chu-chuheewa, I would have got discouraged and gave up a long time ago.  

This week was tons of driving to Apia and back, which is like a 1 1/2 hour drive one way.  We had transfers.  Me and Faitau are staying here in Lotofaga.  Looks like I'm gonna kill Faitau cause he finishes at the beginning of April.  I'll have to give him the ol' spankeroni and we'll shred the gnar until the end.  My comp is tight though.

We had a pretty cool experience actually this week.  On Thursday we had to pick up some missionaries in the zone to take for a training in Apia.  Well on our way back from picking them up, we were going through the top part of our area when we passed a house that was totally on fire.  So I stopped and looked at it for a second, but then the other dudes in the car wanted to just go cause we were already going to be late for the meeting and we'd probably get chewed out by the APs.  But I had the impression to see if they needed any help. So we go there and this guy walks toward us.  His shirt was all burned to pieces and his hair was all singed off and we started talking to him and he was telling us what happened.  I guess there was a wire or something that caught the house on fire.  They didn't have any phones, so we were able to call the fire department to have them come, but by the time they showed up, the house was just rubble.  But luckily no one was injured.  It's just that the house was destroyed.

So anyways, we went to our training, and then that night we came back and brought them a lot of food that we had bought and a copy of the Book of Mormon.  The guy came out and he was telling us that out of all the cars that passed by, we were the only ones to stop and help.  And then he told us that he took that as a sign that he should take his family to the Mormon church (the family is Catholic--including his wife and kids.)  Haha, I was stoked.  But the family is really in need of help.  The kids have no clothes cause they were all burned in the fire and they need building materials to build a new house.  We already talked to the Branch President and the Relief Society President about getting together some stuff to help the family.  So we're hoping the branch pulls through.  They have a tiny little fale o'o that they're all living in for the time being, but we're hoping to be able to begin working on their new house soon.

I'm really excited to see how things turn out for this family.  We've been fasting and praying for them that things are going to work out.  I'm glad I listened to the promptings of the Spirit though.  You really never know what will happen.

Also, our investigator, Senerita, came to church!  She is the one whose mom is crazy and asked me to marry her daughter and have white children while I was in the middle of teaching about the restoration.  Well, the Relief Society visited her and she came to church.  And we were able to teach her a lesson which ended up being pretty spiritual.  She was the one who basically told us to not visit anymore, but now she seems a lot more receptive.  Also, one day we were visiting  last week at their house to talk to her dad (who is a recent convert) and they were telling us how their mom drank all the baby's (Senerita's daughter's) milk and fed all the baby's food to the chickens.  I guess the mom is like legit crazy and does stuff like that all the time.  So, luckily, we had just done some shopping that day and we were able to give them a bag of groceries, which, I think, softened Senerita's heart cause she didn't have anything to feed her baby.  It was lucky that we had groceries in the car though cause usually we just buy packets of ramen or just hope that people will feed us throughout the day.  But the Lord works in mysterious ways.  

At one of our dinners this week I ate sea urchin for the first time.  That was pretty cool.  It's like that little spikey dude (here has a hand drawn picture of an oval shape with pointy spikes all over).  I think that's what it's called.  It was pretty good.  That was probably the only time I will ever it it cause my comp is Samoan and he had never had it either.

But yeah, just like it says in Abraham 5:17, this week has been the "bone of my bones."  

Keep blading,

"El Dare" Johansen

PS:  Sup in the hood brothers & sisters!  This is your long awaited memory card!  Sorry, I hate talking in the tapes, but I do like taking pictures and videos to enjoy.  Most of the pictures are of me being a skux deluxe.  I'd leave an explanation, but I don't think it necessary.  The beginning 100 or so are when I was comps with Elder Ofisa in Aleisa, but all the rest are mine and Faitau escapades in Lepale and Leavuaa.  I changed the memory right when I got transferred to Lotofaga.  I think there's about 900 pictures of my beautiful face--enjoy them.  There's some cool ones of me climbing the Banyan tree--I couldn't resist.  And then a billion pics and vids from the storm.  My Australian cousin, Mick Rodney, filmed some segments of his hit show "Storm Chasers" on my camera while he was visiting.  Eventually you get to the barbecued dinosaur that we ate, a Pteradon, I believe.   No--only fooling mother--just bat.  I ate the tongue to prove I was a man.  If you look at picture #600 with my comp and our mini missionary who is popping my companion's back, you can see the eerie floating orbs.  That house was legit haunted.  True story.  Anyways, it's all good stuff.  Have a hoot and a toot

2-24-13

2-24-13

To All My Good:  Friends, Shipmates, Comrades, Chums, Lads, Boys, Hoboes and Vagrants Alike,

Salutations and fair wishes to you all.  Most especially Pipscum and Mumbledore--greetings with a tender heart.  

This week was just as you would expect it to be--like seventeen bouncing, bubbling babies--their bulbous bellies glistening in the wintry moonlight.  We've been trying to snatch up new investigators this week like Trash Can Dave snatches up old chicken bones and rusty pieces of tin (meaning with a fervent zeal and almost reverence for the work taking place.)  

But anyways, this week was pretty good.  We've been working with a Tongan lady named Uila who hasn't been back to church in like seven years.  But she came to church this past week, so I was stoked.  She also brought some of her kids, a few of which are not members.  Her husband is not a member as well, but went to church quite often when they lived in American Samoa in 2006.  But at the time they weren't married, so he couldn't be baptized.  The guy's name is Pesa.  They now live with Pesa's family who hate Mormons and will kick Pesa  out if he goes to the Mormon church.  They're cool to let Uila and the kids go, but Pesa is just afraid of the family chief.  But we shared with him 1 Nephi 3:7 and told him the Lord will provide a way.  So I guess we'll see what happens.  I'm really hoping we can bring this whole family into the church.  That would be tight.  

There is this other family we've been working with in this past little while.  The guy's name is Sili and the woman's name is Peone.  They're a young couple and have 3 little boys. Sili is a member but hasn't been back since he was baptized years ago.  But Peone is not a member, but she has good feelings towards the church because of her cousin she lived with who served a mission.  This family is interesting because we discovered them through pure inspiration.  As I was saying my nightly prayer, I asked to know who we should visit in order to find those individuals who have been prepared.  Well this random house came into my mind, and so a few days later we visited it.  They said that no missionaries had ever visited their house before.  It was pretty amazing actually.  And they were totally down to listen to our message.  I'm excited for this family.  So that was tight--it was definitely a testimony to me of the power of revelation.  It was like getting a referral directly from Heavenly Father.  Haha.  So I'm sure there's good things in store for this family.  

This week we've been doing splits with the zone--they're a good group of dudes.  I always dread the prospect of doing splits with the zone cause I'm naturally cynical and don't like anyone--but the splits always turn out good.  So I guess it's good.  It teaches me to spunk around with other bros for awhile.  

We've been without  water all this week as well.  That's been a lamefest for sure.  And there aren't any water tanks I can climb here to get water from.  We've been filling up these water jugs at this stream a few villages over that we use to shower with and to drink.  It's pretty clean though--no worries.  But yeah, it would be nice to have water.  All good though.  

This week has been pretty good.  The work is still relatively slow, but beginnign to pick up.  I love the area though.  The members are freakin' cool.  And the area is super pretty too.  We were supposed to go hiking on p-day and look for wild boars, but our ward mission leader called and said he's busy, so we're going next week probably.  

It's good stuff--keep it real--3 buttons down,

Elder Eric "Bet Your Bottom" Johansen

2-17-13

Well Gee There Family!

This week was just swell!  We spent some time down at the junkyard lookin' for some neat rocks, and made sure to stay away from all those clunky girls!  Well, yeah, Chip, this week was great!

Nah, for real though, this week was alright.  We had our ZL's meeting on Tuesday and I suggested that we make a special adventure day where we can all go do cool stuff and go hiking and stuff.  All the other ZL's were way stoked on the idea and were like, "I second Johansen's idea."  Cause right now our p-days are like maximum restriction and we're not allowed to get together with the zones and do stuff cause some missionaries were getting into trouble.  But my plan was foolproof.  The mission president was stoked on it too, so I think it's gonna go down.

Also this week our investigator's mom asked me if I would take her daughter back to America with me and marry her.  She was legit serious and kept saying that light skinned babies look better.  The lady was like mega crazy--we're in the middle of teaching a lesson and she cuts me off and says all this crazy stuff and it weirded me out.  But I told her I was already taken, "My heart belongs to another."  The actual bummer thing, though, is that it totally drove away the spirit and we couldn't get back to the lesson.  Our investigator was all embarrassed and was like, "Don't listen to her--she's crazy!"  Our investigator, Senerita, ended up asking us if she could discontinue her lessons and asked us not to visit anymore.  So that was a huge bummer, especially cause she was our only investigator.

This past week was also my companion's birthday, which happens to fall on Valentine's Day.  For a fun birthday surprise, I sprayed him with the fire extinguisher when he was sleeping.  I think he was pretty mad at first cause I got him right in the face.  Haha, but then he was cool.  Definitely the PRANK of the century.

Also, I got your package.  Thanks a ton!  It was numgnar--I was stoked to the days.  I pretty much ate the whole box of fruit snacks all by myself.  My comp went for the chocolate, so I just destroyed the Welches Fruit Snacks--those are the best.  

Oh yeah--what's the deal with school?  Am I supposed to register or something?  I've never been to college, so I have no idea what to do to apply.  I think I want to go to Snow, but one of my bros over here wants me to go to BYU with him.  See what the deal is.  I'm like 87% sure I want to go to Snow, so maybe sign me up there or something.  

The work in this area is pretty slow right now, but for sure it's gonna start picking up.  There's a lot of less actives and stuff that we've been working with.  We're hoping to get some investigators to teach soon.  But it's all good, for sure.

That's pretty much all I can think of for this week.  Send my love to Robbie, Ernie, Chip and the whole gang.

Elder Johansen