12-2-12

Sup  Dumbledorks,

This week was all the bones.  We moved to Leauva’a this week.  We’ll spend next week here too and then move back to Lepale for two weeks.  We have to do it like this cause the two wards are really far apart and it’s just easier this way.   So Leauva’a is good. 

Our new house is tight.  We’re living with the bishop’s family and not this other family that I thought we would be living with.  The bishop is a way cool guy.  He’s like in his early 30’s.  The place where we live has a bunch of little houses all close together, but the same family.  We live in a little house with a tin roof and no walls--probably about the size of my bedroom downstairs.  This old man lives here with us.  He’s crazy and pretty funny. 

And then randomly, this 18 year old kid is living with us too.  The first night we got here, the bishop was like, “Oh yeah, this kid is going to live with you and go everywhere with you.”  So it’s us four living here, the gang.  It’s tight though.  The kid that lived with us, Siopi, is cool—he’s like our sidekick.  And he makes food in the morning, so he’s like our sidekick/maid.  My comp and I aren’t familiar with the area so he’s been showing us around and going proselyting with us every day.  This kid is the man though.  One day we had a bunch of baptismal interviews to do in another zone, so he just went out with a couple of dudes from the ward and did visits anyway.  Stud.

The old man picks on me.  I’m going to have to prank him one of these days.  But it’s okay.  I’m used to being the “bum” of the jokes. 

Also, there is a secret person that lives at our house too.  We all sleep in the same room, only the old man sleeps on a bed.  The secret person always comes in super late after we go to bed and then he works really early in the morning and leaves before we get up.  I always hear his alarm go off at 5:30 and the old man is like “Get up!!  You have to go to work!!!”  I’ll probably meet this secret person eventually.  He is secretive and sneaky.  It’s okay though.  I’m used to having unknown men sleep in my room at times.  Samoa is tight.  The people are chill.

With our investigators, we’ve been teaching Gau and Malia, that’s about it.  Me and my comp are brand new to Leauva’a and the investigator pool is like nothing—just Gau.  She’s only like 45, I found out.  She’s just got a cool “grandmother-style” haircut.  She’s tight though.  She was supposed to be baptized on Saturday.  When we got to the baptism, absolutely no one was there but me, my comp and Gau.  And it was like time to start the baptism.  Not only that, but someone had turned off the font and there was only like half a foot of water in there, which mad me mad cause we got up at like a quarter to six to walk over to the church and turn on the water.  The sucky thing in Leauva’a is that the water only turns on for a few hours in the morning.  The rest of the day they shut off the pipe to conserve water.  So we couldn’t do the baptism on Saturday.  We planned for Sunday after church, but there was no water then either so Gau’s baptism is scheduled for next week.  I was pretty bummed that it didn’t go through, but Gau’s pretty solid, so hopefully we’ll be good for next week.

And then Malia is good.  It’s just her dude she lives with that’s tough.  I’m pretty sure I already mentioned Malia.  She’s like 17 and her man is like 30 something.  We’re still trying to get them married.  Malia comes to church though.  We just have to get her married so she can be baptized.

All is easy bones.  As my favorite band, Smash Mouth, once said, “It was all a dream.  I used to read Word Up Magazine.  Salt n pepa and Heavy D up in a limousine…”

Keep it safe,

Elder Boot Scoot ‘n Buggy Johansen

11-26-12

Hey Dudes,

This one's quick.  We've literally got no time.  All it is is buy bones around here.  Last p-day we had a meeting with the AP's.  Today it was interviews with the Mission President.  And then the usual boring ZL stuff at the office.  We have to go to dinner soon and all my dirty laundry is still getting danker and danker in the bathroom.

The water has been dead for like over a week now.  I have to climb up the big water tank and get water out with buckets.  My comp is too short, so I have to do it every time we want to shower or use the bathroom or wash the dishes (we wash them in the bathroom.)

My comp is the man.  I love this kid.  He's a short little guy.  But he's a hard worker, so I'm mega stoked on him.  He's my first real Samoan comp.  It's really good for my Samoan.

We've been crazy busy lately.  It's good though.  Just like tons of meetings and chores for the zone and tons of other stuff.  The area is awesome.  We picked up a new investigator, Malia.  She goes to church but just needs to be married.  She's 17.  Her "man" is like in his 30's.  But you can marry at 17 here, so we're gonna make it happen.  

We're workin' hard, working with tons of less actives.  There's only like 7 people in Lepale that have the Melchizedek  priesthood.  

It's always dank,

Elder Johansen

11-11-12

Sup Brotherz,

So this week was spankin, it's dunkgnar.  The big news mostly is the transfers--I'm only partially getting transferred.  I'm going to live in a ward that we already cover now, Lepale, and then I'm going to cover a new area as well--Leauva'a.  And then other missionaries are coming in to cover Aleisa 1st Ward and Aleisa 2nd Ward.  Leauva'a and Lepale are pretty far apart so we'll probably stay like one day in Lepale, one day in Leauva'a sort of thing.  Two cool things about both houses in Lepale and Leauva'a--Lepale is notoriously known for being haunted, and the house in Leauva'a is a legit fale o'o, meaning it is a hut with a roof made of coconut leaves and no walls.  So that's gonna be sick. 

My new companion is Elder Faitau.  I don't really know him.  I'm pretty sure he's a native Samoan--that's all I really know.  My comp now, Elder Ofisa, is getting transferred to Savaii.  In your last letter, mother, you asked me what Ofisa is like.  Ofisa is a good guy, sort of a 'fatsolardochickenliverbutthead', if you ask me.

The transfers are tomorrow, so I'll let you know next week about all the funk bones that go down.  This past week has been cool, I guess.  We still weren't able to get ahold of Fran.  I think she's been avoiding us.  Apparently she got a job in another village, so she's been busy with that.  And Fogalele left to Savaii and never came back.  So that was a huge bummer too.  We're still splitting with Elder Puipui.  That's been pretty fun.  We've been teaching a guy in his area--he's scheduled to be baptized this Saturday.  The thing is, is that his whole right arm is missing up past the elbow, so me and Puipui and Ofisa have been arguing about how you're supposed to do the baptism.  Haha, we still don't know.  I guess just say the prayer and then dunk him. 

I've been pulling more awesome pranks on Puipui this week too.  Like one day it was raining super hard and I locked him out of the car.  He was all like freaking out, "Please!, Please!!" in English with his little accent.  Haha, I was laughing so hard.  He was freaking out like he was going to die or something.  And then a few days ago, it was raining super hard when we were proselyting and Puipui had like a tiny speck of dirt on his back so I went to brush it off, forgetting that I had mud all over my hand.  Haha, I ended up leaving a big muddy hand print on his white shirt.  I was laughing so hard and then when I tried to explain it was an accident, he didn't believe me.  It was funny though. 

There's probably a ton more that I could say, but I'm not going to.  Also, our zone got in the mission newsletter this month.  Totally bones cool!  The guy on the right is one of the APs.  The rest are all the dudes in the zone.  They're actually all getting transferred.  I'm the only one left in the zone now. 

Have it dank,

Elder Beezlebub  

11-4-12

Sup Dudes,

I got a call from the office yesterday.  Apparently you bros sent me those SD cards?  You should check around the house, cause I'm pretty sure they didn't come in the package.  Perhaps I lost them without realizing it.  If that's the case, no worries.  I'll continue to look around, but I don't think they're here.  I assume you backed up all the pics on the computer.  If not, shame on you.  But it's no big deal, just look around and then get back to me cause I didn't see them in the package when it came.

Yeah, but this week, not a ton went down.  We went to Fran's twice this week.  Both times she wasn't there.  And then we had planned a family night for Sunday night, but she and her husband left somewhere so we had to cancel.  So I don't really know.  It seems like she's kind of avoiding us.  So we'll continue to pray for her and hope we can get ahold of her again.  She would be solid, she just needs to pray.  Something is holding her back.  We'll try and catch her this week.  Let's hope it goes down.

This week we've also been splitting with an elder in the zone, Elder Puipui.  His comp finished his mission, so he's been splitting with us until transfers which is in like two days.  We get the news tonight.  I'll probably stay.  My companion might get transferred though.  He's been in this area forever.  But I'll let you know next week what the bones are on transfers.  

Splitting with Piupui has been fun cause Puipui is the guy in the zone that I like to pick on.  When we were sitting at a visit, I pulled the awesomest prank on him.  I got him to look the other way by cleverly distracting him.  I was like, "look, that big tree over there!" and when he turned, I slipped a rubber cockroach into his cup of koko that he was holding.  Haha, he was like, "There's a cockroach in my tea!"  It was funny.  I totally pranked the HECK out of him.  By the way, thanks for the fake cockroaches.  I've been putting them to good use.  It actually works out cause there's tons of cockroaches in Samoa so it makes it more believeable.

Also, this past week I had a dentist appointment.  No cavities baby.  That means you owe me $25 bones.  A deal is a deal, friend.  I'm going to hold you to that contract until I'm an old man.

This past Saturday and Sunday was our stake conference.  Paulo Matofai, the guy I used to live with in Savaii gave a talk on behalf of the mission president cause he's the 1st counselor to the mish prez.  His talk was mega good.  I was stoked on it. Plus he gave me a "shout out", so you know I was stoked on his talk.  I think that's always my biggest hope when someone I know gives a talk, is somehow getting mentioned therein.  His wife and his kids were there too, so I sat and talked with them for like 20 minutes after the conference.  Those guys are seriously way cool.  I miss living with that family.  But yeah, dudes, there's nothing else to report on this week.

Oh yeah, Father, I tried to send you a coconut, but it didn't work.  I wasted like fifteen bucks in stamps on it too.  So the postal service in Pago Pago will totally send it (stamps stuck to the outside of the coconut), but the skunk-dunkers at the office in Apia thought it was like a joke and just threw it away.  So I was totally "T.O.'d"  But it's all good.  I'll try again but just give it to one of my boys in American Samoa and have them send it.  

Also in this letter I will include my Christmas wish demands.

Elder Eric "Squid Spunk" Johansen

DEMANDS:

2% milk, ice cream, pizza, watermelon, that one Manheim Steamroller CD that we listen to every year (not the lame one, the good one.  Get Ketpet to burn me a copy or something.  I think it's like "Manheim Steamroller Extraordinaire" or something like that), other good Christmas tunes (not Motab/not sucky ones), Christmas lights (just junky little ones to hang up in our house), Axe hair styling stuff--comes in a can like this (he drew a picture), a cheap wrist watch (less than ten bucks) just to slap on and tell time with (my last one broke and my 2 pocket watches got swiped), something that exudes the smell of potpourri (my brain associates it as the "Christmas smell"), a flash drive (4 gb) to steal all the good church songs off the laptop of my family in Savaii (I'm getting tired of Motab), Old Spice--the good kind

(At this point I'm really trying to think of something good cause I know I can milk mom for a lot on this one.  I'm the favorite child, the honey boy.  Plus I'm on a mission, so that even enhances it more.  I could pretty much get anything I wanted.  All the other siblings are just lame and not as well liked as the "bloatlo" child.)

MORE DEMANDS:

A poster sized photo of me and Theo to hang up in my house (the one with me holding Theo in my arms and giving a cute smile (Eric drew a picture of this photo), pens, teeth whitening stuff, some Richard Simmons video cassettes, ugly DI ties, a new shrunken head (Greg got stolen), Tres Leches cake mix, Nutella, good candy (Tropical Starburst, Milky Ways, Redvines, Swedish Fish, etc.)

Yeah, I can't think of anything else.  Really I don't need any of this stuff.  Just get whatever you want.  Don't go overboard.  I always feel bad when I ask for a bunch of stuff and then you actually get it.  There's nothing I really need or want specifically.  It's all good here.  If you get the chance, though, maybe spank some cash aside for my college.  That would be nice.  I'm planning to try and get a job right when I get home and work until the spring semester, but even then I'm not sure if I'll have enough cash.  But if money is tight, no worries too.  Like the common Samoan proverb says, "If you don't keep your bones polished and clean, you may lose them amongst the willows."

The Fresh Prince of Samoa

10-28-12

Salutations!
Not a ton for this week unfortunately. Really this week mostly I was sick.  It was the suckiest.  I got sick early in the week and it wasn't until like Friday that I started feeling better.  I was just like throwing up and having stomach problems--it was lame.  But I'm good now though, so it's cool.  It was probably just something I ate. The only other thing that happened this week is that we were able to visit Fran.  We found out that she had been reading the Book of Mormon, but she hadn't been praying.  So that was good/a bummer.  So we talked to her about the priesthood and stuff because she had questions, and then we talked about the importance of prayer.  And then on Sunday she came to church--I was stoked.  We had a chance to talk to her for awhile afterward.  She really enjoyed it.  She said she especially liked the talks that were given.  So I thought that was good.  She is, however, incredibly perceptive.  She picks up on every little detail of things.  Like she said, she didn't like how hardly anyone was paying attention when the people were giving their talks.  She didn't like how some of the girls came with messy hair and didn't look neat and like a bunch of stuff like that.  She was right too--it just reminds us that we don't know who's watching and that we should look and act our best at church.  Fran is also really beginning to open up to us and to trust us.  Apparently the member lady she lives with is causing her problems and actually pushing her away.  It's kind of a bummer cause there's not much me and my companion can do about it.  But we just told Fran to be patient and to talk to her about things.  


Fran continues to tell us that she doesn't believe the church is true, yet I can see a testimony growing in her.  She's grown to really love our visits, and she said she doesn't confide in anyone, not even her husband.  Yet she trusts us enough to confide in us.  I have a really strong feeling about Fran.  She could be a strong member of the church someday.  But, like I said before, she still has a long way to go too.  She smokes and drinks and stuff and that's something we haven't even talked about yet.  It was interesting though, on Sunday when we were visiting with her she said she wants to turn a new page and go back to the "old Fran" she used to be before she got into smoking and drinking and those sorts of things.  So that's awesome.  


It's good though.  It's been really cool to have been working with Fran these past few weeks.  It's cool to come out on a mission and have the opportunity to help people like this, and to see the progression in their lives.  I'll let you know next week if she prays and receives an answer.  I'm really hoping she does.


Anyways, "The sun's not yellow, it's chicken."


Elder Johansen
The Freshest Prince of Samoa

10-21-12

Sup Zeek,
Thanks for the letter.  I'm doing quite good, thanks.  I was quite befuddled and flabbergasted to receive a letter from you, I must say!  You must understand, Zeek, I was quite astonished!  Everyone thought you had died in the big gas explosion.  It was all over the news!  They said that all that was left of you was a charred piece of your tail!  Nevertheless, old friend, I am glad to hear you are happy and well.  Remember when you ate that entire block of cheese?  Those  sure were some good times.  To answer your question, Zeek, I haven't seen Theo for over a year now.  You may be shocked to hear this, but after I left to serve a mission, some bad people got their hands on him and sold him to one of those awful slavery camps like you see in the movies.  I truly am sorry to be the one to tell you this, Zeek.  Theo was a friend to us all.  And I know you two were particularly close.  That's why I feel like I should let you know.  It makes my face burn hot with angry tears every time I think about what those people did.  Never lose hope, Zeek.  It is hope that keeps us alive.  There's still good in this world, Zeek, and it's always worth a fightin' for. 

Anyways Z, this week was actually pretty good.  On Tuesday we went on a split with the mission president.  That was interesting.  We got a call the day before from the APs saying that the mission president was going to split with us for the whole day.  So, of course, we cleaned the house mega good and spit shined everything really clean.  I even got dehydrated from spitting so much.  But I guess it wasn't a very good idea cause the mission president asked why there was spit all over the walls.  No worries though.  We were quick on our feet and came up with a good excuse:  "It was already like that."  Nah.  But really it was actually super good.  He came in the morning and we did our normal studies and then we went out and did visits.  It was pretty normal.  Most of the time the mission prez didn't even talk, only rarely really.  But it was good.  I actually learned a lot from him.  Our mission president is a way cool guy.  I accidentally called him "bro" once.  He asked me to back him out and I said, "Yeah, Bro, I gotcha" without thinking.  But he's dope though--he just laughed.  And we forgot to take down the picture of the Backstreet Boys on the fridge that Katie sent me.  Under it my comp had written in dry erase marker, "I love Nick  XOXO--Johansen."  And when the president got here he was like, "Who's Nick?"  I think he was just kind of weirded out actually.  It seemed like he was split between laughing or chastising us.  But he ended up just not saying anything about it.  Haha.  But really other than that, nothing crazy happened.  He gave us a lot of good advice and stuff, so it was good.  I feel like I learned a lot.

Also this week we picked up a new investigator, Fran.  Fran is way tight.  I'm stoked on Fran.  How we found her is that we went to go visit this less-active family just to see how they were doing.  But we get there and nobody was really there, but we heard someone out back.  So we went back there and there was Fran.  I guess it turns out she lives at the house.  We just didn't know.  So we pretty much just talked to her forever and eventually she started asking questions and stuff and it sort of just turned into a lesson.   She speaks really good English too, so it was kind of weird.  At first I was kind of freaked out cause I don't really know how to teach in English and I had no idea what to say so mostly I just spoke in Samoan cause that's what I'm used to.  But anyways, the first lesson was pretty good.  We ended up sharing with her the message of the restoration, so the first lesson was okay.  I was pretty happy with it.  But it was when we came back on Saturday--that visit was the bomb.  I could go into tons of details, but I can't really remember.  Pretty much the first little bit was just a lot of bible bashing (she's Seventh Day Adventist) and arguing and stuff.  And I wasn't really saying much.  I was kind of just sitting there, but I was praying to know what to say and I felt impressed to share with her the scripture from Alma 32 that talks about faith.  And so we each read a few verses and went through most of the chapter.  It was mega good though.  You could just see the difference when the spirit was present.  And I especially emphasized verse 27 that says to just exercise a little of your faith to experiment on the words.  Cause the first visit with her we invited her to read and pray, but she hadn't kept the commitment.  So then we re-invited her to read and pray, to use her faith and experiment on our words to see if it's true.  At the end of the lesson she said she really hopes that it is true and agreed to read and pray sincerely to know for herself.  There was a ton of other stuff that happened.  It was actually a really long lesson, but it was just awesome.  The spirit was just so strong--you could really felt it.  It was super good.  So I have high hopes for Fran.  Really right now we're just working with her to gain a testimony of it herself because she actually has a ton of other problems and issues.  And Satan is working really hard against her because she said she feels the spirit when we visit, but there is something that keeps telling her "No."  She said it's like an internal struggle pulling her both ways.  So you can definitely tell the adversary wants to drag her away. 

Also, a lame thing that happened during the lesson--the member guy that lives there came in and interrupted the lesson and started asking pointless questions and talking about stuff that was irrelevant.  And then he left and right after, his wife came in and did the same thing and was sort of just taking everything lightly and making it like it was a big joke.  Fran was sort of just confused and she was like, "what are they talking about?"  And my companion was just like, "Oh, I don't know what she's saying."  Cause the lady was like, "when are we gonna take her up and get her baptized?"  But we hadn't even talked about baptism yet.  Anyways, it's not a big deal.  Fran is just super sensitive to anything little like that and until she gains a testimony of it herself, even the littlest stuff is gonna pull her away.  So yeah, members are good most of the time, but sometimes they do more damage really.  No worries though.  I'll let you know next week what happens though.  I'm really hoping and praying that she will have the faith to read and pray.

So yeah, that was good.  Also this past week we did the baptisms for Edna (Ena) and Faletolu.  Apparently Ena's name is actually Edna.  It's just hard to tell the difference in phonetic terms in Samoan.  It wasn't until I looked at her birth certificate that I saw it was actually Edna.  Anyways, the baptisms were really good.  That was a good day.  We had a tight lesson with Fran, and then right after we went to our baptisms, so that was defcool.  Pretty much this week was just a good week overall--just really spiritually uplifting. 

Also, a weird thing that happened--we went and visited this old dude in our Aleisa 2nd Ward one of the days this week.  I forget his name.  It was the first time meeting him.  But as I go to shake his hand, he holds it for a half second longer and then leans his head in slowly and gently kisses my hand.  Haha, he was just this crazy old guy.  It was pretty funny though.

Also, I saw my family from my first area in Samaka on Saturday--I was so stoked.  They just randomly drove by when me and my companion were parked on the side of the road.  It was sweet though.  They gave me a bag of mangoes.  I guess the guy, Paulo, had to go give a talk at a conference for one of the other stakes on behalf of the mission president cause he's the first counselor, I think.  But anyways, so that was cool.  They said they miss me and Jackson cause sisters live there now and they're not nearly as cool as me and Jackson. 

Anyways, this letter is way too long.  Be a good boy, okay, Zeekie?
Spank it easy,
Elder Johansen

10-14-12

Sup Spankos,
This week was spunkbones with beebop and rock steady crushin' skulls.  It was like going to a Nickelback concert when Smashmouth comes out as a live guest and they play "look at this photograph" and "Hey now, you're an all star" back to back.  It was like hittin' the dunes with Buck Davis and telling all the sissies to "cowboy up."  This week was like grooming a fine-trimmed mustache and pronouncing the word pillow like "pellow."  It was like rubbing together a scumbone and a robot button, which will create sparks with which a person could kindle a small fire if he were experienced enough.  This week was like doin' a back wizz on the down rail at the smorksesh. 

But yeah, so it was good.  Not much went down this week.  All is good in the area.  We've got two investigators who are for sure ready to be baptized this week--Ena and Faletolu.  Maybe Nikolao, but we haven't been able to get ahold of him.  And Fogalele is in Savaii visiting his parents.  He gets back this week sometime.  He called yesterday and told us that his parents are down for him to be baptized.  He said they don't care what church he goes to, just as long as he's going to church.  So we'll visit him when he gets back and see what the go is.

This week was General Conference for us in Samoa.  I was stoked.  For real, it was like the best thing ever.  You just get to go and chill and eat food and learn and feel the Spirit.  It's the best.  I really liked Elder Holland's talk on the Sunday session.  That dude is the bomb.  Pretty much it was all good though.  It makes for a dope weekend.  And some of our recent converts showed up, so I was stoked on that cause like hardly anyone went from the stake.  It was weakgnar. 

But it's cool.  Also this week we had a secret, special zone leader council.  I was surprised cause they usually only do it once a month, and we'd already done a meeting the week before.  But it turned out to be really good.  I guess a bunch of stuff has been goin' on within' the mish.  Three missionaries got sent home last week.  And two of them were sisters even.  There have already been a ton sent home this year and the mission president says there's probably more to come.  So it's just nutsobutso.  The mission president got email from one of the general authorities pretty much just chastising the whole mission saying that the behavior of the missionaries is unacceptable.  There's a lot of stuff that goes down among the missionaries that definitely shouldn't, so the mission president is kinda crackin' down.  It's getting better though.  The prez has made a lot of changes, so things are improving.  He's a way cool guy though--our mission prez is dope.

Other than that though, not much really happened this week.  I don't know if I've already mentioned this, but one thing about Samoans is that they're all susceptible to the freshest PRANX!  Wedgies, sternum boppers, "what's up dog?', "snew?", the works.  There's this one guy in our zone who is fun to pick on.  Anyways, so Puipui is that guy in our zone.  I filled up his shoes with shaving cream one time and when he put his foot in, it got all over his socks.  Or one time I put a big slimy mango pit in his pillow case and then that night he went to go to bed and there was slimy pits in there.  And for zone meeting once I assigned him to do everything for the meeting including the opening and closing prayers, to be the song leader and give the spiritual thought from the scriptures, give the spiritual thought from the handbook and teach the lesson.  Haha, poor Puipui.  He takes it really well though.  That's why he's fun to pick on.

Lately I've been eating tons of mangoes.  It's the best.  They're like massive and red--by far the best mangoes I've ever had.  I figure I may never be able to eat mangoes like this again cause I won't be here during mango season next year.  So, I'm going to take advantage of it.  Anyways, it's dankness.
Quit naggin the gnar,
Eric "The Fresh King" Johansen

10/7/12

Hey there dude bones,
This week was sick bones sick.  We thrashed the skunk dunk on our blades like it was 1993.  Not a ton went down this week really.  We picked up a new investigator--this 11 year old girl named Ena.  Ena's tight though, just a quiet girl.  Her story is pretty is pretty crazy though.  So apparently she used to live in a village called Tuana'i, where she lived with her parents.  But her parents were abusive and would beat her up, so she took her 5 year old brother and her two year old brother all the way from Tuana'i to Aleisa to her grandmother's house, carrying the two year old the whole way.  I don't know how far exactly Tuana'i is from Aleisa, but it's probably like 10 miles or something.  It's pretty far.  So now Ena is living with her grandparents and she's been going to church with them.  So yeah, we've been teaching Ena this past week.  We were planning to have her baptized this coming Saturday, but then we found out that's when they're broadcasting General Conference for Samoa, so it'll be the week after that when Ena is baptized. 

We haven't heard from Nikolao for a little while, but we'll visit him this week and see if he's down to be baptized next week with Ena.  We also haven't heard from Olive as well.  I think she's now living with her parents in a different village.  But we'll see what happens.  Also, we had a roller coaster  week with Fogalele this week.  We got a call from him on Wednesday and he was all excited.  He's like, "Hey!  Missionaries!  We're on for Saturday!" and my comp's like, "What?" and he's like, "The baptism...it's on!"  So we were all stoked cause he said he sorted out everything with his family and he was good to be baptized.  But then on Saturday, like right before the baptism, we tried calling him a bunch of times and he didn't answer.  And then finally he called back and said that he couldn't be baptized because he was at the doctor's office getting his stomach checked out.  So that was a bummer.  And then he missed church on Sunday too, so I dunno.  We'll have to go figure out what the deal is.  But it's all good--he'll come around when he's ready.

Also, one of our investigators, Teinisi, told us she couldn't continue taking lessons, so that was kinda sad.  She said it was because her husband wouldn't let her, but then her mom said something different, so I dunno.  But that's a bummer.  We'll keep visiting anyway.

Not much else really happened this week.  We had zone leader council--that pretty much took up the whole day on Wednesday.  Seriously, it was like 7 hours long.  Pretty much the only good things about those meetings is the food they have after.  This time it was sloppy joes.  So that was good.  Other than that, it was like the same as every other meeting.

Also, I hit my year mark this past week--that was cool, I guess.  It's gone by pretty fast--it's nutso butso.  Mom called it my "hump day" in her letter.  But I don't think  I'm going to call it that.  I don't know where she gets these ideas, but I'm not going to call it that.  All is good though.  I don't know what else to say.  The mangoes are getting ripe, and the pineapples are close.  So I guess that means things are  good.

Keep em' dank,
Mega Fresh, Mega Bones
Elder Johansen

9-30-12

Hullo there neighbor!

Everything is quite lovely and snuggly over here in Samoa this week.  It has been like tickling the fleshy underbelly of three goats which causes them to cackle and then to wheeze and cough, being that this time of year now approaches "Blundtober", the month when goats store up gregarious amounts of fat and muzzle back into their mother's wombs.

So it's been a lot like that really, this week.  It's been pretty sick though.  We had a way good service project on Saturday.  I was stoked on it.  We went out into the jungle with this other dude from the ward and cut down all these trees and did tons of tough MAN work.  Sometimes you just gotta put everything aside and chop down some trees and shout and yell and punch stuff and wear flannels.  So that was totally cool.  We ate tons of mangoes and I snagged us some coconuts from the tippiest tops of the tree.  It was pretty sweet though.  I got tons of pictures.  Plus the family we did service for is inactive.  The dude that we went with has recently been coming back to church though.  He's a cool guy.  He pretty much sleeps at our house every night and does the dishes sometimes.  So that's totally bones for sure. 

Also, Saturday was mega sick cause we had baptisms.  We had actually planned to have five baptisms that day, but only ended up having two--Lisa and Faavae.  It was mega sick though.  I was happy with it.  And the other three will probably be baptized in the near future.  The one, Olive, she was gone the last part of the week visiting other family or something, so we're scheduling her baptism for this week.  And then Nikolau is still waiting on his parents cause they're tending to the grandmother who is in the hospital.  So Nikolau doesn't want to do the baptism without them there.  So that sort of just depends on when his parents are available.  Hopefully this week though.  I guess we'll see. 

And then our other investigator, Fogalele, we had planned to be baptized as well, but he couldn't.  Fogalele's got a mega sick story though.  So we just barely met him last Sunday when he came to church and introduced himself in Priesthood.  He's been Methodist for most of his life and his family is all Methodist too.  But yeah, so this is the reason he wants to be a member of the Church:  When he used to live in Savaii like a year and a half ago, they lived in a village where the Mormon church was forbidden.  But for some reason there was this bishop from the other village over that kept coming into their village and trying to get people to come to our church.  And after this went on for a while, the people started to get way mad at this bishop.  So they all got together in this big mob and took the bishop and tied him up.  And then they all decided they were going to burn him to death because they were so furious with him because he was trying to bring people from their village into the Mormon Church.  So they got all this wood and piled it around him and lit it all on fire, but then, just as it started to catch fire, this cloud blew in and just started pouring rain right exactly over where the bishop was being burned.  So he didn't end up getting hurt at all and because of that experience, a ton of people were then converted to the Church.  And Fogalele saw the whole thing first hand, and he said ever since then he knew the Church was true.  So that's mega sick.   It was crazy when he was telling the story.  But yeah, since then he has always tried to go to our church, even if he had to ride his bike like mega far to get there.  He's just recently moved from Savaii here to Aleisa and is living with his uncle and their family.  And we've been teaching him like all last wee.  The first lesson he told us that story and he was just saying how he wants to be a member of the Church.  So we committed him for baptism on Saturday with Lisa and Faavae, which he accepted cause he is totally ready.  He's been going to church in Savaii, and he wants to be baptized.  But then, on the morning of the baptism, we got a call from him saying that the family he lives with told him that if he gets baptized in our church, then they were going to kick him out of the house and he wouldn't have anywhere to stay.  He said he was like crying hard out all night.  I felt way bad for him.  So that's the reason he didn't get baptized yet.  But he said he was going to talk to the family and he came to church on Sunday as well, so we're just praying that the family he lives with will let him be baptized.  He's like 22 or something, so he could still choose to do it, he just wouldn't have anywhere to live.  So it's kind of a bummer situation, but I think he'll get baptized soon.  He's totally the dopest.

But yeah, not much else really going on this week.  We found a new investigator a couple weeks ago who's name is Hitler.  He's more like a potential investigator actually.  But I just thought it was funny that his name is Hitler.  I think half the reason I would want to baptize him is just so I can say that I baptized Hitler.  Haha, jk jk.

So yeah, it's bones party dankness all the way this week.  Mother, to answer your question "Do you have any weird rashes on your behind or in your ear canal?"  (I never asked this question.)  My answer is "No, just funguses (fungi?) and tapeworms."  But really, I don't need anything (That was my question).  I can buy pretty much anything I need in Apia cause all the ZLs have to go to the office every p-day anyway so we just buy whatever we need in town. 

But yeah brothers, keep snoggin it all,

Elder Johandsome

9-16-12

Sup there crazy bones,
Everything is double dank on the 1-2-1-2.  This week has been a lot like a skunkgnar marathon with Dio Guierroga. 

But yeah, this week was cool, I guess.  I don't have a ton of time to write actually.  Usually on p-days we have to do a bunch of sucky stuff like wash the car and do all the shopping for the zone and drop off numbers and reports at the mission office.  Last week we had to watch this two hour video about safety--it was a lame fest.  But also you caught me when I'm not in a letter writing mood.  So that's a durn shame for you.

But yeah, this week was a dog gnar paradise pretty much.  We didn't manage to teach Lisa.  Every time we went over she was either busy or gone.  But she came to church on Sunday and is way solid.  The only thing is that we think she might want to wait til October to get baptized cause that's when her husband gets out of jail.  Haha, but I guess we'll see.  Also, I don't remember if I mentioned Pika and Nikolau.  They're two investigators we've been working with lately.  Pika is a boy, age 10, and Nikolau is a 20 year old boy.  They're both scheduled for baptisms this Saturday, so that should be sweet.  Also, another investigator I'm pretty sure I got  their names mixed up last week cause I said we were working with Melanic, but his name is actually Teinisi.  I'm not sure where I got Melanic from, but it's Teinisi.  The work is scope gnar in this area.  It's really good.

Also, I don't know if I've mentioned him before, but our ward mission leader is a way funny guy.  He's this little part Asian dude.  His name is Roy.  Anyways, I  had a picture of the Backstreet Boys up on the fridge that Katie gave me and I told him that it was a picture of me and my friends before the mission and he believed me.  And then I pulled the "What are you wearing under there?" joke and he totally fell for it (cause he speaks good English.)  I also did the "up dog" and the "snew."  So I'm stoked on having some fresh meat to pull righteous pranks on.  I am the prankster prince, after all.

Keep it bones,
Slapmaster Ice

8-27-12

Yoyoyoyoyoyo Brothers,

It's spank bones here.  It's all red gnar, blue gnar, green gnar, true gnar.  This week was pretty sick.  We had two baptisms--Lanu, who is like 40 or so, and Joseph, who is like 10.  We had the baptism on Sunday morning and then did the confirmations afterwards during Sacrament meeting.  It was mega sick bones.  I was stoked.  We were supposed to have two others as well, but we didn't get the time to finish their lessons, so we're planning for next week.  So hopefully that goes down. 

The work continues to be excellent in Aleisa--it's a really good area here.  So I'm stoked on that.  We've got a lot of work up ahead in the near future, so it's really good.

But yeah, not a whole lot has happened really other than that.  Earlier this week we had to turn in Greg, the best thing that ever happened to me as a missionary.  I would be a liar if I said I didn't shed a tear or two.  Those two weeks with Greg changed my whole outlook on life.  I really feel like Greg and I were meant to cross paths.  I think I met Greg at a car dealership in the pre-earth life and knew he would change my life.  No, but really, I was bummed to turn in that van.  The new van is huge and lame and way suckier to drive.  And the new car doesn't have cockroach parties or do any of the cool stuff Greg used to do.  Me and my companion were both pretty cut when we found out the first van was done getting fixed.  But it's cool.  I guess that's how life is.  I know someday I'll see Greg again.  I can feel it in my heart.

But yeah, it's been a funtime, buntime over here, no doubt.  On Saturday night I got a call from my bishop from my first area who was on a conference call with my trainer, Elder Nansen.  I guess it turns out that our bishop's wife had her baby and it turned out to be a boy.  So our bishop was calling us to let us know that he wants to name his son after me and my trainer, and was asking if that was alright.  Haha.  I was stoked.  He named him Eric Jacob Letoa, after my first name, Nansen's first name, and his last name.  So I thought that was really cool.  We were really close with that bishop.  And that little Samoan kid will get tons of girlfriends cause he's named after the fresh prince of Samoa.  So that was dope bones, neato gnar.

So yeah, honeydew, other than that, not much has gone down this week.

Stay slippery, but don't get weiched

Elder Johansen

8-13-12

8-13-12

Sup Dude Buddy Bones,
It's crazy gnar over here.  This last week has been super nutso for sure.  So the last letter I sent you I said I was getting transferred to Faaala, and that my companion was going to be Elder Uri.  Well that was totally a made up story, I guess.  Cause my Zone Leader, Elder Boren, was cheesed off at me cause of all the awesome pranks I played on him and because I made fun of him for getting written off by his girlfriend.  Anyways, so he scammed me good and told me made up stories about transfers.  So what really happened is that I got transferred to Upolu, in a village called Aleisa.  It's way close to Apia.  It's super different from Savaii.  Me and my companion are Zone Leaders too.  It's cool, I guess.  I don't really know.  I'm not that stoked on it, but I'm sure it'll be alright.  Our zone only has six people.  I'm the only white guy.  My companion is Samoan, but he moved from American Samoa to Idaho when he was like 13.  His first name is Pioneer.  Pioneer Ofisa.  But yeah, we have the same birthday too, just he's a year older than me.  So tomorrow we're gonna party for sure.

The area is way sick.  It's a mega tight area.  The work seems to be moving way good in this area.  I'm stoked on it.  We have two investigators that are going to be baptized on Saturday.  We taught their last lesson yesterday.  So things are really good with the area. 

Oh yeah, so on the day I got my Samoan license, I wrecked the car.  I seriously had my license for an hour and within three minutes going out on my first drive, I put a foot long dent/scratch on the side of the van.  Cause they're like these massive 12 seater vans and I turned too sharp around a corner and scraped the side.  It was the suckiest thing ever.  I totally hated it.  And it was weird casuse they drive on the left side in Samoa and I hadn't driven anything in like ten months, so I still had to get warmed up.  But the senior missionary couple that is in charge of the vehicles was pretty cool about it.  They'll get it fixed up and fancy right quick.  So it's good.  That sucked though.  I was all sketched out.  I'm a lot more used to driving here now though.  It's all good.  My comp doesn't have a license, so I pretty much do all the driving.  And the roads are like the worst thing ever--like dirt roads with gnarly huge rocks and stuff--just like when we go camping, except I'm driving a massive van. 

I was pretty sad to leave Savaii though.  I'll miss that area for sure.  But I was sort of ready to go too.  I think 8 months is pretty long to be in my first area.  It'll be a bummer not to be able to see all our investigators in Samata be baptized though.  They put sisters in.  Jackson got transferred to the back of Upolu in Siumu.  I'll miss Jackson too--that's my son.  He's just a humble guy.  I'm gonna miss being comps with him.  We worked mega hard together.  It was mega good.  But it's cool.  That's how things go.  They change.  And then you have to get used to other stuff, I guess.

Our zone is a little bit wild, but most people are afraid of me cause I'm buff and ripped so I'll just give 'em the "Stone Cole Steve Austin" if anyone gets out of hand.  Haha, nah, but it's good.

There's been like tons of stuff that's gone down like the last week, but I can't really think of anything right now.  Everything is good though.  Keep on steezin' fans.

Keep the bones
--Elder Johansen
PS  Thanx for the package.  I'll open it tomorrow!

8-6-12

Sup Dude bones,
It's all spunkgnar on the dunk bunk.  This week was pretty "all-bones" good.  Not much goin' on.  We're just spunkin' around Samoa like a couple of double skunk dank bombs. 

Last P-day was freakin' tight.  I was stoked on it.  I'm pretty sure I sent pictures with my last letter.  But we went and played football with the ZL's and my buddy Hansen and his comp.  It was sick.  My stupid companion was on the other team and they beat us like 6-3.  You know how a father never wants to see his son finally outdo him.  I was still pretty cheesed off afterwards, so I sent him to bed wit hno dinner for making me look like a fool in front of my work friends.  Kids can be a real handful--being a single father isn't easy.  But it is so gratifying to see my little boy grow up so fast.  He came into the mission going by "Jackson", but now it's just "Jack."  "I'm not the child I used to be" he says.  He's a real sensitive boy.  I don't think he has many friends at school.  But I'm here to whip him into shape.  As Buck Davis would say, "Go feed the horses, and then let's hit the dunes."  (Meaning that only through hard work can we accomplish anything in life.  And then after we will see the fruits of our labors.  Good ol' Buck taught me everything I need to know about how to be a man.

Anyways, so our team lost.  We'll have to rematch those dudes some other time.  But then after football, we went down to the beach and played around and stuff.  The pictures are on that card I sent you.  Also that day I climbed my highest coconut tree so far.  It was way tall--probably like our house stacked up twice or something like that.  I'm pretty much the master at all things Samoan by now--it's dank dogs. 

We're probably gonna do something cool today too, cause one of our ZL's goes home this week, so we'll probably throw a wild party or something.  I've been to some pretty crazy missionary parties before.  Usually we read Preach My Gospel, eat Vienna sausages and tell lies about how awesome you were before the mission, knowing that no one can prove you wrong.  No pranks, only pranks.  I have no idea what we're doing today.  We'll just have to see, I guess.

But this week was good--sorta slow, but it's all good.  My companion has been sick lately, so we've been kinda taking it easy.  He was like puking and stuff as we were coming back from dinner one night.  What a weasel.  I think he's cursed cause he gloated when he beat me in football.  But it's okay.  He'll think twice next time he crosses me.  Haha, nah--he's better now though, so it's all good. 

This week we started teaching lessons to this kid name Posi.  After the first lesson he said he wanted to be baptized, but the next day when we went to teach him, I could tell something was up, so when I asked him, he said that he didn't want to be baptized.  I guess his grandma pressured him, but he didn't really want to take lessons.  He's like 13 or something.  But anyways, we left him with a Book of Mormon anyways and asked him to read.  So maybe later on down the line he'll be ready to hear the gospel.  Cause he moves back to American Samoa this week, so we probably won't see him again.  So that was kind of a bummer, but it's alright.  We did all we were supposed to do.  Now it's just up to him. 

Also, another weird thing out investigator Faasinoala who we've been working with forever turned out to already be a member.  Haha, it was kind of ridiculous actually.  One day this week we were visiting her and he was like, "Oh yeah, I was baptized back in 1996". Haha, I guess she just fell away after that and is now just coming back to church.  But her records got lost or something so the ward will have to probably re-baptize her.  But yeah, so that was kind of unexpected.  Haha.  But we'll keep working with her to progress towards the temple.  But that just makes our investigator pool even smaller.  Things have been a little slow lately, but I think they're starting to pick up, so that's good.

Paualaisa has now stopped smoking.  We just have to get him to stop drinking ava Samoa.  It's like a root that they mash up and make a drink out of.  I guess it's like a mild narcotic or something.  But it's only been banned from the church for like ten years.  But yeah, Paualaisa is totally ready.  He's awesome.  He's like my age, I think.  But he's like always up at the plantation like all day so we can never set up an appointment to teach him.  But we just have to finish his lessons and he'll be ready for baptism. 

And Failelei want to be baptized.  She just has to be married still.  And they won't be married until her boyfriend's mom comes back from New Zealand in September.  So I'll probably be transferred by then, so that's a bummer.  But yeah, the area is good though.  I'm stoked on it here.  Yesterday was my 10 month mark on the mish.  That means I've been in this area for 8 months now.  Haha, that's forever.  I think if I was in a slow area, it would kill me.  But so far this area has been pretty sick over all.  I'll be really sad to leave.  Next week is transfers, so we'll see what happens.  I probably won't get transferred though cause the training program isn't over for me and Jackson.  We've still got two weeks left.  So, I'll probably be here for another transfer.  It's good though.  I really like it here. 

Oh yeah, so you know how you sent me like 50 pictures of me holding that pig?  So when I wrote my weekly report to the mission president, I included a signed copy together with my letter.  Haha, but I guess he was so stoked on it he displayed it on his desk.  (Did I already tell this story?)  Anyways, I guess like everyone that comes in for interviews, he proudly shows them my awesome picture.  He didn't even have any pictures of his family on his desk, just a couple folders and my picture.  And then like a week later, he put it up in the permanent glass case at the office for everybody to see.  Apparently he was going around showing it to everyone when he first got it.  But you know me--I know how to get "in" with the president.  He invited me to go golfing with his area seventy buddies last week, but we had already made plans, so we had to take a rain check.  Haha, prank bones.  That last part could be fictitious, but the rest is true. 

So yeah, it's good.  I got your birthday package.  I'm super tempted to open it, but I haven't yet.  I also got those shoes--thanks a ton.  You really should have just got some from DI.  You needn't waste money like that.  But I appreciate it.  They'll for sure last the rest of my mish, so that should be good. 

Also, that's funny that Dad is a zoobie counselor now.  You should counsel them to quit being so weird and quit being ranjoes.  Maybe that's why you got called to be a counselor so you can set them straight.  Get some of the tasties in the ward to write me, so I can come back and get married before the spring semester starts--that would be great. 

But yeah, that's a bummer that all the kids are moving out of state.  I guess that's what happens when the cool one moves out of the country--everyone else sort of dissipates.  Bummer for ma and pa though.  They're just stuck with stupid, I mean cool, Katie and Matt.  (How awful.)  And then Weter and Pendi aren't nearly as cool as me too.  Haha, jk.  But everyone knows I'm the best sibling.  There's really no competition.  Anyways, this letter is too long.

--Steezemaster
PS  Mama, I got your letter.  I'm glad things went well with the surgery.  I hope you're healing well.  I continue to pray for you and I hope you're doing good.  --E Bones

(The following was on a separate paper in the same envelope)

Sup Dudes,
Fresh Newz!  So, we just found about transfers .  I'm getting transferred to Faaala, in Savaii.  My comp is Elder Uri.  He's been out on the mish for like 7 months or something.  I'm pretty bummed to leave Samata,.  I really love it here.  But it will be nice to experience some new adventures.  I'm gonna miss Elder Jackson though.  I freakin' love the guy.  But he'll be good.  He's staying in Samata, so that should be good.  I'll spank you another letter next week when we get the scoop.

Love,
The Fresh Prince of Samoa

7-29-12

Sup Dudes,
It's all good up in the hood over here.  Not much goin' on really.  I think today we're gonna go down to the beach and hang out and stuff, so that should be sick.  This week we had our temple trip in Apia.  That was way cool.  I was mega stoked.  Going to the temple is always like the best thing ever.  It was tight.  We got to Apia on Tuesday and stayed the night there and then went to the temple all morning on Wednesday.  And on Tuesday night we had a training which was really good too.

And then the night we came back from Apia, the power was out at our house so we had a "moonlight picnic" with the family we live with.  It was very romantic and lovely, quite nice.  And then the rest of the week my companion was sick, so we just stayed at the house for a few days.  I pretty much just read from the Bible the whole time.  I'm just going through all the boring stuff from the Old Testament and then reading all the cool stories.  So that was good. I'm reading the Book of Mormon in Samoan again, so I did a lot of that too.  It was good. 

Things are going good in the area, we haven't really had a chance to get a ton of work done cause I was sick, and then the temple trip, and then my comp was sick.  But it's all good.  I'm excited to get back into it this week.  It should be good.  Everything's good in the area.  It's good stuff.  There's not much to talk about--really this week was pretty uneventful. 

Mom, I hope you're doing alright.  I'll keep praying for you.  I hope everything goes well.  I haven't heard from anyone yet, but hope things are good.

Anyways, love you all,
Elder Johansen

PS  Eric also sent a memory card with photos and videos.  Anyone is welcome to view them next time they stop by the house.  He sent a list of some of the highlights:
"Here's my memory card.  There's some dope stuff.  There's like a million videos of these dudes playing like the exact same song.  All the videos are pretty much the same--they just made me record all these videos so they could watch them.  It's okay, I guess. So that's what that is.  Then there's:

• Pictures from Nansen's last day in the area
• Cool stuff with a bat
• Baptisms
• More chicken video
• Butterflies being made
• Playing tunes at Palepa & Samai's "Honeymoon"
• Baptism with Pato
• Dope adventures by the ocean/climbing a coconut tree
• Video of me climbing into this rock crevasse and this giant wave comes up and splashes me and got me totally soaked.
• Doin' stuff at the plantation
• Shooting guns with Buck Davis
• Pullin' up taro
• Ana's baptism (I had tonsillitis that day which is why my neck is swollen)
• Dinner--cooked pig
• 4th of July
• At the temple
• Dead lizard squished on my journal
• AP's spankin' around at our house
• All the beach photos were from our awesome p-day we had today dow non the beach in Neiafu.  It's the same beach we went to before so some of the pictures are pretty much the same as my last memory card.  But it was dope fun.  Anyway, that's my memory car.  Keep steezin'

7-23-12

Wazzup in the hood,

It's all sticky dank up in here.  Everything's dry as a bone, but clean as a whispering willow.  Nothing crazy to remark upon this week, just good stuff and dope stuff.  We've pretty much just been making visits and stuff all week.  It's pretty much the same story with all our investigators.  We're still trying to get Faasinoala and Failelei to church.  One of our investigators moved out of our our area, and we haven't been able to get ahold of Paualaisa.  He's always up at the plantation all day.  But we've been going out and getting at it anyway.  I'm sure things will start moving soon.  But yeah, nothing really exciting has happened. 

We have a temple trip with our zone tomorrow.  I'm stoked for that.  That's gonna be sick.  Me and Jackson are still just  spankin' around the area visiting people all day.  I think my Samoan's gotten a lot better since I've been training.  It's kinda hard to tell actually.  I'm pretty sure in the MTC I said that I was practically fluent and understood like 90% of everything that I heard.  It's all just a perception, I guess.  My Samoan's definitely not native, but it's good enough to go around and talk to people all day and teach lessons and stuff, so it's bones.  But it seems like it's improved since I've been training, so that's good.  Ummm...let's see.  So yesterday one of our recent converts, Ruta, got a calling.  They made her the teacher for the Relief Society.  Haha.  She's mega smart, though, and knows the gospel good even though she's only been a member for a few months.  So that's cool.  I'm stoked on that. 

But yeah, really not much else has happened that I can think of.  It's been pretty uneventful.  I got Scott n' Jen's package.  Thanks, dudes!  I'd reply to your letters, but I still don't know your Vegas address.  But thanks, it was the best.  I think I ate like two thirds of the bag of Swedish Fish on my own. 

But yeah, it's dankness,
Elder Johansen

7-2-12

Sup Dudes,
This letter's gonna be mega quick today cause the senior missionary couple are coming to pick up the mail in like two minutes....OK, jk, they just came, so tough luck.  But actually the ZL's are going to Apia tomorrow, so I'll just give this letter to them tomorrow.  I assume you've already sent me some stamps, so I won't ask for any just to avoid redundancy.  Also, the letter I wrote last week is still with me so you'll probably get these ones together or something.  But it's all good. 

This week was pretty cool.  It's been pretty busy, which is good, definitely.  Even today (p-day) we had to teach a lesson.  We got up like it was a normal day and did study until 10:00 when we went over to our lesson.  It went really well though.  My companion's Samoan is coming along way good.  This week we're only gonna speak in Samoan, so that should be pretty cool.  My comp understands more than he speaks, but it's coming along way good.  So that's dopeness.  Everything's dank and sick over here.

We got a new investigator this week.  She's an 11 year old girl named Maleka.  She's pretty stoked on the church and has been going and stuff.  We have to finish up her lessons this week, but she's scheduled to be baptized this Saturday, so that should be good.  This morning we taught Failelei, which is officially her last of the missionary lessons.  She just has to get married now.  She's totally ready though.  She understands the gospel way good and reads and prays every day.  We just gotta convince her man to get married and she'll be totally ready.  So we'll see what happens with that.  We'll continue to visit her and teach her just whatever--so it'll be good.  And it's the same story with Faasinoala.  She just has to get married and she's been ready for baptism for months now.  We were supposed to have the interview for marriage on Sunday, but her man didn't show up, so we'll just have to keep working on it.  Also, we've been helping out our recent convert, Palepa, and her family a lot.  We're trying to get them to the temple and get them callings and stuff, so it should be good.  We committed her husband, Samai, to quit smoking so he can receive the Melchizedek Priesthood and he hasn't (smoked) since, so that's way good.  I pretty much called him out on it.  My Samoan isn't good enough to imply secret messages or do any sort of persuasion.  I sort of just have to be blunt with people.  But it works.  I guess just as long as we're following the Spirit.  But yeah, so that's good.

So yeah, it's later now.  Today was pretty cool.  We pretty much played volleyball with our zone and stuff.  It was pretty cool.  So yeah, this week was really good.  We've been pretty busy.  On Sunday we also started lessons with Paualaisa.  That was way good.  He had tons of questions and is really stoked on the church.  He's a way cool guy, probably in his early 20's or so.  He's mega good.   He has a smoking problem as of this point, but I think  he would be willing to quit, so we're going to prepare to teach him the Word of Wisdom this week.  I really think he'll be alright. 

Also, this week we taught a lesson in zone meeting about how to work miracles.  Cause me and my comp are really trying our hardest to work miracles in this area over the next few months.  But it's been crazy how much things have changed just within the last month.  I've really seen so many blessings and so many great things happen.  I consider it a miracle that my companion and I can even help one person to be baptized, let alone any more.  But truly it's the Lord that prepares these people.  We just have to stay in tune with the Spirit so we can be ready when these people come across our path.  My companion and I have really high expectations this month.  I have a feeling this month is going to be one of the best.  One thing I learned lately was the power of personal revelation.  It really is so completely necessary for all of us to know what the Lord wants for us.  My companion and I both prayed to know what the number of baptisms we should give as our goal for this month.  We both prayed separately, but when we discussed it, we had both been given the same number to work toward. It's a larger number than we've ever had before, so this month should be really good.  We just have to give it our 100% so we can make this happen.  But that just tells me that there are a lot of people the Lord is preparing for baptism and the ordinances of salvation. 

Things are going super mega good.  It's pretty hard sometimes, but it's way more awesomer than it is hard.  I feel like I've grown a lot in the last month.  It's been really good.  Me and my comp work really well together and he is progressing mega fast in everything.  I'm stoked on this guy.  Things are freakin' tight though.  It's awesome to see the changes in these people.  It's just awesome to be here.  I really can't imagine where I would be right now if I didn't go on a mission.  There's so many really important principles that I've learned that I really never would have understood if I wasn't here.  The world comes into perspective and you see how things really are and what things truly are most important.  Once you really put the Lord's promises to the test, then it all becomes real.  Your faith grows and you begin to see the blessings of living the gospel and living righteously.  It's good stuff.  The mission is good stuff. 

We also started teaching Faamau this week.  She's probably 17-18 or so.  But she's gone to church a few times and likes to go to all the youth activities.  She has a little brother too, so we want to get him to join in on the lessons too.  That should be good.  We'll need to prepare her a little bit before and she'll be ready to be baptized, but we'll keep teaching her and try to help her develop her own testimony. 

So the work is going really good.  Even though me and my companion have no clue what we're doing, the Lord does, so that's all that matters.  He really does lead up to those who have been prepared.

So yeah, that's what's gone down for this week--it's been a really good week.  Today the mail came after like forever of not getting any mail, so I was stoked on that.  Unfortunately, I have like no time to write letters, so all you people who want letters are gonna have to wait cause we're freakin' busy as heck.  I really have no time.  But I got Becca's package--thanks BECAB!!!!! I was really stoked, for reals, it was the best.  I'm gonna write you, just be patient.  Also, Momma--I got your two packages--thanks a ton.  Really though, it actually just made me feel guilty cause I know you spent like many hundreds of dollars on all those pictures and all that stuff (Julie says not true.)  I do appreciate it and sometimes there is stuff I need, but please don't go overboard.  Like how I asked for pens, thinking you would send me a cheap pack of Bics, but you sent like this huge pack of these nice pens.  And you spent like a billion dollars on all those pictures (again, not true), but I just wanted some printed, not every picture that has been taken since the world began.  Just try to be frugal--it's important to budget your expenses and be thrifty.  I appreciate the packages, it's like the best thing ever, but maybe you could send me cheap things like animal bones, or neat things you find at the dump.  (He really shouldn't give David ideas like this...)  I know I ask for stuff sometimes, but try and be frugal and "money-smart."  Just so I don't have to feel guilty about receiving packages. 

But yeah, things are going good here--it's dankness.  I really can't think of anything else to say and this letter is super long, so I hope it placates any and everyone.

6-18-12

Sup Baby Girl,
How's your bones?  It's a dognar party up in here.  The steeze couldn't be easy, but it's always worth it when you got your dankbones makin' noise.  It's steeze magnets though.  Hardly even naggin the gnar at any points, just when you get weiched. 

Things are sick in the area.  It's all mega good--all good, all good.  Saturday was our baptisms for Dalepa and Pato.  They were mega dankness.  We had Palepa's wedding at 1:00 and then right after we did the baptism.  My son did the baptisms.  He did really good.  It was mega sick.  I was stoked to see Palepa's progression from how she was when me and Nansen started teaching her and how she is now.  It's tight.  And then after we went to Palepa's house and drank coke and ate cookies.  It was sweet.  Technically, I think it was their honeymoon, so I guess I can say that I've "honeymooned."  It was pretty cool.  I guess I can see what all the hoopla is about.  Her husband, Samai, serenaded us with romantic songs on the guitar and we all just chilled for awhile.  But unfortunately, me and my companion had to cut the honeymoon short to go do our baptism for Pato, which was mega dope too.  Pato is tight.  She's real smart and remembers everything that we've taught, so I'm stoked on her. She'll be good for sure.  My comp did the baptism too.  It was way good.  We've been working real hard.  Now we're starting to see some of the fruits of our labors.  We just go out every day and try our best, and somehow it always works out.  It's pretty good.  My comp's humble enough to try out any ideas I have, so we do really good.  He's dope, we get along good.  We pretty much just try our best and put the rest in the Lord's hands, which ends up working out really good, so it's cool. 

We've been fasting a lot too, which has helped out a ton.  I think my testimony of the power of fasting has like quadrupled since I came out on a mission.  Fasting is real good, along with prayer.  It helps me the most out of anything.

But yeah, so then on Sunday I got to do the confirmation for both Pato and Palepa.  It was good--double bones good down here.  I'm real stoked on Pato cause she's the first investigator I've taught on my own.  All the other times mostly my trainer would teach and I would sort of just chill and then bear testimony.  Now it's pretty much teaching everything, so it's kind of a big change.  But I give my boy the opportunity to teach as much as he can.  It's a gnar party no matter what.

Not much else really happened this week. We started teaching Tamoalii--that's been good.  She's gonna be baptized this Saturday, which  should be sweet.  She's only 11, so teaching her is the best cause it's really simple.  Her baptism is gonna be this Saturday, so that should be really good.  We're planning to have Faasinoala married and baptized on Saturday as well, so that should be really good.  She's totally good.  She knows her stuff.  We just gotta get them married and we'll be set.  But I think it'll go down, so I'll let you know next week how it goes down. 

So yeah, not much else really happened this week.  Just the same mold, same mold.  My son's doin real good--he's a real good young chap.  I'm pretty used to fathering young ones, so training is nothing new to me.  I'm sort of the "Dad" to my group of friends back home.  They all loved to call me "Cool-Dad", and looked to me as somewhat of a father figure.  I remember the first time I taught Chase to play catch--boy he sure was excited.  It's really important for a dad to bond with his boy--that's something I learned early on.  It seems like it was just yesterday I put Austin on his first "two-wheeler."  He rode right into old man Wilson's prized rose bushes!  Boy he sure gave us a hollerin' for that one--you bet your eye he did.  And I could never forget that stormy day when that little Stringham boy came running to the house, crying his eyes out because some bullies at school had stolen his favorite set of marbles and then made him eat a grasshopper.  That poor little orphan boy never really had many friends.  But since that day, I took it upon myself to raise that boy as one of my own.  He always wore the same tattered, smelly jacket, with no shirt on underneath.  But his wide, toothy grin was enough to warm any heart.  Boy he sure did aggravate old Grandma Perkins though.  She was getting old and her diabetes make her cranky and irritable.  We've sure had some good times.  It wasn't easy being a father to such a rogue bunch, but I'm as proud as any dad could be.

So it's safe to say that taking my baby boy over here under my wing is nothing new.  And Jackson is much more well behaved than any of my other children, especially stupid Wyatt.  I know you're not supposed to pick your favorites, but Jackson is mine.  But kids will be kids.  Pretty soon he'll be old enough to date--that's just gonna be another handful.  So we'll take em as they come. 

Anyways, it's all good down here.  This week was good.  It's dopegnar.  There's one thing I need to ask you though.  I need you to send me some roller blades.  There's this new thing in our mission designed to get missionaries more motivated about the work.  It's called "Blades for Baptisms."  The idea is that we can have a better mode of transportation to get us to each appointment quicker, but still having that confidence and style that only comes from strapping on those blades.  I think it'll be a great motivation to all the missionaries.  We're all really excited for the new changes.  So yeah, if you could, send my new roller blades as soon as possible.  I'm really gonna need them soon.  Things are really moving fast.  I just don't want to get left behind.

Keep on shreddin' the gnar bones,
The Fresh Prince of Samoa
(He drew a picture at this point of a sunset scene at the beach with palm trees and a hut and a self portrait of him wearing a necktie with an amphibious looking face.  That's the best I can describe it.) 

6-11-12

Zup there fampants,
It's all dank up in here.  Everything's beans gnarly.  It's like we're having a goat-face hamster party where the gnar is always the star.  It's a shred fest though, to the days.  This week's been pretty sick, though.  We've just been spankin' it out all day, every day.

So yeah, not much has really been goin' on, just the same stuff really.  We started teaching lessons with Pato--that was good.  My comp asked her to be baptized during her first lesson and she said yes, so that was cool. She'll be baptized this Saturday, so that should be good.  Also, Palepa is supposed to be baptized this Saturday.  Her wedding is planned for this week, so that should be sick--cause that's the only thing keeping her from getting baptized is that they're not married yet.  So that should be good.  We also started lessons with Failelei this week.  She's tight too.  She's probably in her 40's or so, and she goes to church every week.  We just have to get her married and she'll totally be ready to be baptized.  So we'll see if we can try and make it happen.  Also, Faautu, the girl we baptized last week, has a brother who wants to start lessons with us, so we're gonna do that tomorrow.  His name is Perenise.  We'll see what goes down. 

And then when we were eating dinner with a family a couple of days ago, they told us that they have a daughter who wants to be baptized, so we're gonna start the lessons this week.  We baptized the girl's little brother, Ailua, back in April.  So that should be good.  She goes to church every week, she just hasn't been baptized.  And then we also have Panalisa--he goes to institute every week and has a bunch of friends in the ward.  Word is that he wants to start lessons, so we'll have to go visit this week and see what the go is.  And the nwe have Faasinoala--she's dope.  She goes to church every week too.  She just still needs to be married before she can be baptized.  Her man/boyfriend kept putting it off every time we would schedule a date for them to be married.  It's the dumbest.  But then we found out the reason is cause he thought you had to fill out a bunch of paperwork and he was all afraid cause he doesn't know how to write.  Haha, but pretty much all he has to do is write a signature, which could pretty much be anything.  So hopefully we'll get that marriage soon, cause Fasinoala's totally ready.  So that should be good. 

But yeah, not much else has really been going on.  We're just making visits and teaching some lessons and stuff.  My comp's cool.  We're shreddin' the gnar all day every day.  It's pretty tough, like I think it would be tough to do it all in English, but in Samoan, it's like extra hard.  But it's cool I guess--we try our best.  I try and let my comp take the lead in teaching aand stuff--it's good.  My goal is to have him ready to train by the end of this 3 months.  We're just gonna have to read the BofM like crazy in Samoan so he can get good Samoan.  That's probably what helped me most with the language.  I finished it on the boat ride over the morning I picked up Jackson. So it's good. Things are cool.  I'll probably have pretty good Samoan by the end of this three months.  I pretty much just talk to people all day.  But before pretty much Nansen did all the talking, so it's good. 

We're real lucky, though.  This area is mega good.  There's tons of work here.  But yeah, not much has really been goin' on lately--just work, work, work. I think these last two weeks have been like the most serious I've acted in my entire life.  I pretty much just have to stay as closely in tune with the Spirit as I can or else I'm totally lost.  Cause, seriously, if it was only up to me, this area would die very quickly.  Cause my Samoan's still on the rocks.  I only understand things when they're really important--like if an investigator has a concern or something.  Pretty much the rest of the time I'm just winging it and guessing what people are saying.  Talking to chiefs is especially the suckiest--it sketches me out.  We're trying to reactivate this girl and her little brother, but her grandpa is like this super important chief in the village so it's always super sketchy going over there, but we just go anyway.  Cause within the Samoan language, there is like four languages.  It's like words that you would use with a high chief, and then totally different words to use when you speak to a talking chief, then there's the common language, and then there's like the slang.  It's pretty tough.  If you don't use all the respectful language and stuff, you can offend people.  And you have to learn all the different chief titles of the people in the village and figure out if they're a high chief or a talking chief before you go visit them so you can know what words to use when you speak to them.  But it's rude to ask, so you just have to figure it out before you go visit.  Anyways, its dumb.  I don't really know any of that stuff very well--so it's sketchfest.  But I don't spend that much time trying to learn it cause I'm busy learning how to teach lessons and other more important stuff.  So it's cool.  The mission's dope though.  I'm stoked on it.  Everything's going good.  We're  "smiting the earth with the word of God."  And that's the dankness.

Keep shreddin' 100% gnar,

Elder Johansen

5-14-12

So, I'm gonna call you dudes in like two hours, so I don't really know what I'm gonna write for this week.  Actually, you bros are calling me.  I'm too important to make such menial calls. 

Anyways, so this week has been pretty cool, I guess.  Last Monday I played cricket for the first time.  I didn't actually get injured, but the emotional scars will take years to heal.  Haha, yeah, cricket was like the suckiest thing ever.  It's like a big deal, so pretty much the whole village was there playing, and then like all the chiefs were sitting on the sides watching.  Anyways, so they made me go up and bat, but freak, I had no idea what to do.  Haha, everybody was laughing at me and I kinda just looked like an idiot in front of the whole village.  But it's cool--I guess I'm used to looking dumb in front of lots of people.

So yeah, this week was good though, as work goes.  We got two investigators to commit to baptismal dates and to get married.  Faasinoala and Palepa.  Faasinoala is totally ready--she's way strong.  She just has to be married before she can be baptized. And Palepa needs to be married too, but also she hasn't come to church yet, so we're gonna work with her to come to church and stuff.  But it's good.

Also this week we started doing family prayer and scripture study in the mornings with the family we live with--that's been pretty good.  And on Saturday they made us get up way early and do "zumba"--that weird dance/aerobics thing.  Haha, my companion was way stoked on it--he was getting way into it.  I thought my comp knew me pretty well until he thought I would be excited about doing "zumba."  Haha, yeah it wasn't that cool. 

So anyways, another cool thing this week--actually it was like two weeks ago--but the girl that we baptized back earlier this year--Tala--came over to our house and asked for a blessing cause she had a big test coming up and she was really nervous.  Anyways, so I was asked to give the blessing, which I was pretty nervous for cause so far I've never really given any blessings in Samoa.  So anyways, I gave her the blessing and then we found out this week that she took the top of her class!  Haha, I was stoked.  She's got a lot of faith.  Their whole family is freakin' dope--I'm way stoked on them.  They're way mega strong in the church--it's been crazy to see their progression.

Anyways, keep it thirsty, thirsty for the gnar,
Elder Eric R. Johansen
The Fresh Prince of Samoa 2012


Mother's Day (for America)

Sup you guys,
So I just barely called you guys like an hour ago or something.  So this letter is in response to that.  Mom asked what a normal day was like.  So it's pretty much like 6:30 am we have family scripture study and prayer with the family we live with.  Then we get ready and bathe our bodies and stuff.  And then at 8:00 it's personal study.  Lately I've been reading a lot of New Testament.  It's really good stuff.  I'm stoked on the scriptures.  I should probably spend more time studying the lessons cause I wanna get better at teaching, but most of the time I just get distracted reading the Book of Mormon or the New Testament or something for the whole time. 

So then at 9:00 it's usually companion study.  But really that hardly ever happens, so I usually just keep reading whatever I was reading.  But sometimes we have comp study and it's really good cause we figure out ways to help our investigators and stuff.  But it's good.  We're getting a lot better at doing all that little stuff like that.  It's been really good.  And then at 10:00 it's usually language study.  A lot of the time that's when the family we live with has food ready, so sometimes I miss out on language study.  But I read from the Book of Mormon in  Samoan like every chance I get, so it kinda makes up for it.  But I'm trying to do better with that too cause I wanna get dank Samoan. 

So then for the most part we then begin proselyting at 11:00 and we just go make visits or teach lessons or do things of that nature.  Lately we've been doing a lot more member strengthening and stuff trying to get people ready for the temple.  So it's been good.  And then at 6:00 is our fafaga, where we eat with the members.  And that can generally go til like seven thirty or as late as nine thirty.  It really just depends.  Sometimes we get there and they're totally not ready, so we have to wait for like an hour or longer.  So yeah, it's good though. 

And then after the fafaga we just go home cause missionaries aren't allowed to proselyte in the evenings cause in Samoa they have what is called the Sa, which is where every family has to go home in the evening and read the Bible or church books and sing church hymns and pray and be with their families.  It's pretty much enforced in every village.  They have all these dudes stand on the side of the streets and they'll beat you up if you break the Sa--like if you're walking on the road when they blow the horn for the Sa, you just have to sit down wherever you are and wait til the Sa is over, which is like fifteen or twenty minutes or so.  It's kind of a cultural thing--but it's good though.  It just shows how religious Samoa is.  It's like illegal to be anything other than Christian, which is good for us at least.  So yeah, we usually just go home after we eat.  I generally just get more study in.  So it's good.  It's kinda nice to have the evenings to just rest and stuff.  So yeah, then I usually write in my journal.  Sometimes I forget and then take a shower and at 10:30 it's sleepy time.  So yeah, that's a day for me in Samoa--generally it's not all that exciting, mostly the same stuff every day.  So it's good, no danks, no bones, no beans. 

Also, siblings, haha, sorry to you all.  I can't relate to anyone anymore.  I had no clue what to say to you on the phone.  It's cool though.  I think I've just matured too much to take a part in your petty humor.  I'm a sophisticated man now--get on my level.  Haha, but nah--it's weird being on a mission.  I didn't really know what to say to you dudes.  ALL IS DANK IN SAMOA.  That's what I should have said to you.  So, oh well, maybe I'll be able to relate to you at some point in the far future.  Until then, keep shreddin' the gnar.

Also, haha, sorry mom, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!  I think I totally forgot to tell you.  Yeah, when I picked up the phone, I was expecting you guys to call on the other phone, so I was expecting someone Samoan talking to me.  So yeah, way to go--keep steezin' the buttery bones.  I'll finish this letter later tonight after we hear about transfers so you can have the hottest scoop on all the gossip.

Alright............................................................................................So here's the scoop:  My comp is getting transferred to Upolu--he's the zone leader now.  And I'm training a new missionary.  Uhhhhh.....haha yeah.  Freak, haha, this is gonna be way good for me/my Samoan, but I feel like I still don't know what the heck I'm doin' out here.  Haha, yeah what the heck.  I don't know who it is, just someone from the American MTC group.  So this'll be way good.  But freak, haha.  I'm pretty freakin' sketched out.  I'm not gonna lie.  So we'll have to see how it goes down.  I'll let you know next week what goes down. 
Love,
Elder Johansen